This is for the girls, the gays, the people that have always felt different due to who they identify as, who they are attracted too and the hardships they come through.
This book has triggering topics such a self h!rm, ect, please take care of your...
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"Mom stop it!!", I yelled in great hysteria, clutching on to the top of my trousers to stop her from getting any nearer.
My mom continued to tug at my clothes, begging and pleading me to let her see.
I screamed and screamed. I cried and cried.
All of a sudden a strange calmness took over my mom, she walked round my room, picking up scissors, tweezers, anything sharp. She picked up my laptop and phone. She opened all my draws, searching through them.
I knew what she was looking for. She wasn't going to find it. A small smirk emerged onto my face, I know this was not ah happy moment for me or my mom but I could not help feeling slightly joyous that I had the power, I had the thing she wanted.
While I was caught off guard in my daze, she did it. She yanked my trousers down to reveal the bloody scars etched into my right thigh.
Aghast, she threw her hand to her mouth in disbelief. I saw a tear leak out of her eye and fall down her face.
Somewhere deep inside of me, I was hoping, praying that she would hug me, hold me. Tell me everything was going to be okay. However the other part was hoping she didn't, hoping sh would yell, scream at me. That way I could be mad, that way I could enjoy her desperation.
But no, her face was unreadable. I could just tell from the way she was looking at me, I was not her daughter. That look she gave me was the exact replica of my fathers when I told him I was bisexual. A sullen expression, disenchanted by the event.
She stared at me blankly.
"When did you do this?", she asked, her voice getting higher with every word.
I didn't reply. I just stood there, lifelessly staring back at her. I felt so, so unreal.
"Lorelai, when did you do this?", she repeated but this time with a more threatening tone to it.
My body trembled, but yet again I did not answer.
We stayed like that for a couple seconds, minutes, hours. I can't remember. Before she left the room not saying a single word to me.
~
Once she had gone, I felt myself grow weak. I collapsed onto the floor, my body shaking at uncanny speeds. I shoved my head into my hands, as a single tear fell down my cheek.
The only thing I could think about was her. She was the only person who would understand. I had such an intense urge to text her, to reach out. I knew it was wrong, I knew I'd regret it but I needed to.
My hands balled into fists, I then began to bang them against my desk. I was so infuriated at the situation. My tears just kept coming, and as if hadn't learnt my lesson, the blood kept coming too.
I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't be this nonchalant, uncaring person.
I grabbed my phone, beads of sweat emerging from my palms from the intensity of the situation.
The face ID was accepted and I hastily clicked on the snapchat app. I had her number in year nine but I didn't trust that her number stayed the same all these years so I turned to the only option I had.
I found my mutual friends and scrolled eagerly until I found the name and bitmoji I was looking for.
~
Finally. After five minutes, I found it.
Noelle Sanders
I clicked the 'add' button and anticipated for her to add me back. I was so nervous. The skin around my nails were stinging as I realized, I had been biting down on them so hard due to my anxious state.
I was about to go rinse my bloody fingers under cool water when I heard the familiar notification from snapchat.
Not caring about my bloody fingers, I flung myself onto the bed when my phone laid and snatched it as soon as I could.
She added me back.
Words cannot describe what I was feeling right now. I was just so grateful she took the time out of her day to add me back. I mean deep down, part of me thought she's ignore me.
