I Think I Love You

Lipstick

"Wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. bestfriends, exfriends, better off as lovers not the other way around. racing through the city in yellow checkered cars."

  I loved that summer. I loved him. His early morning company. He was everything to me.

"Hey Pete." That's him. Mikey Way. I'm Pete, if that wasn't clear. "Hey Mikey." I was tired. Mikey was on what was probably his third coffee this morning.  "How'd you sleep?" He asked. Ah, the torture of small talk with someone you love.

"Cut the shit." I smiled. We were in Mikey's house. After warped tour, he needed to come home for a bit. I came with, since the rest of my silly little band were also going home.

"I bought donuts." Mikey said, pointing to a box of donuts on the counter. "Tastes like you." I smiled, taking a bite of one. "But sweeter." He added, not looking up from his book. "Twilight?" I scoffed, reading the cover. "My Chem has to write a song for them you guys would be perfect." I said. "No way. Never." Mikey shook his head.

Doorbell. Mikey got it. (Help why did Ghost of You start playing Mikey fking dies in this song 😭 ALSO MIKEY WAYS BIRTHDAY IS THE DAY B4 9/11 AHH)

"What's up?" It was his neighbor. "Hey Dallon." Mikey said. "I see you're back from Warped Tour! How was it?" Dallon asked. "Eventful." Mikey laughed but also sighed. (ykwim) Riiiiiinggggggggg (Dallons too poor to afford a custom ringtone 😍) "Sorry man I gotta go, talk to ya later!" Dallon left.

"Eventful?" I asked, laughing. "Well yeah. I took a whole human home with me this time." Mikey rolled his eyes. He walked over to his fridge, switching the calendar to August. "Oh, Hayley's coming to town this week." He smiled. "Really? Cool." I didn't know Hayley that well, but from what I did know, she was badass and a genuinely great person.

Mikey's home phone rang. He answered. "Speak of the devil." He laughed. "Hi!" He picked up the phone. "Oh? *pause* Oh okay great! *pause* Oh yeah Pete's here too. *really long pause* Oh wow. Okay. *pause* I think so." He put his hand over the microphone end of the phone. "You're fine with Hayley crashing with us tonight right? Her hotel accidentally double booked, so her room won't be open until tomorrow." He explained. I nodded. "Yeah that's alright. *short pause* Okay cool. See ya soon!" He hung up.

I had never actually met Hayley, actually. But a lot of people I know have, and they seem to like her. I wasn't nervous.

Well, maybe I was a little.

---- --

"Hey Mikey, are we not gonna talk about Warped Tour?" I asked. It was 10pm. We were in Mikey's room. We had been sleeping in the same bed since we got here, despite Mikey having a guest room. Yet we still haven't talked about Warped Tour. Hayley got here an hour ago.

"What do you mean?" He asked. "So we're just gonna hookup for two months and then not talk about what's gonna happen next?" I remarked. "What? No. I just- didn't know what to say." He stuttered. "Well, what are we gonna do next?" I asked. "I don't know. I mean, If we keep this going, eventually it's gonna have to go public." He said. We were sitting on his bed, but far apart. "I know. But what if we could? What if, maybe, one day, that would be okay?" I smiled at the thought of it.

"No. I just- I just can't do it." Mikey snapped. "Well then what am I even here for?" I asked, almost choking back tears. "You're here because I want you to stay." Mikey sighed. "But you 'can't do it'. You can't love me. And maybe, just maybe, I don't want to love you anymore." I let the tears win. It was weird, I didn't show my emotions much. (HELP I TYPED "EMO" FOR THE EMOTIONS AND A BLACK HEART CAME UP) It just wasn't something I did.

Mikey didn't like the tears. I didn't either, but I couldn't do much to stop them. "Let's just talk about this after Hayley leaves, okay?" Mikey reasoned. I didn't reply. I walked downstairs, and outside.

I walked to the edge of the porch and sat down, lighting a cigarette. "Boo!" Hayley jumped down onto the grass in front of me. "Hi Hayley" I greeted her. I didn't talk to her much when she first arrived, she was mostly in the guest room getting her stuff together. "Why are you smoking so late?" She laughed. I handed her the cigarette. She took it as she sat down next to me.

"Stress." I replied. "Warped Tour treat you poorly?" She passed the cigarette back to me. "Something like that." I sighed. "I get that," She agreed. "I heard something happened with you and Mikey?" I was hoping she didn't bring that up. "Like what?" I asked, trying to seem oblivious. "You hooked up? A lot of fans saw him in your trailer." She explained. "Oh yeah, that's why I'm stressed. Mikey doesn't wanna go anywhere with us." I didn't like thinking about it. Hayley burnt out the cigarette. "Well, just let him think about it." She walked back inside.

Let him think about it? We've been home for two weeks. I've let him think.

I go up to bed anyway. Mikey is in bed, but not asleep. I see him look at me in the dark. "I'm sorry." He says. "It's alright." I say back as I lay down next to him. "I love you." I can hear the smile in his voice. "I love you too." I don't smile, but I mean it.

---- --

Hayley left early in the morning. Mikey made coffee. We sat down at the table, not talking for a while. "So," I finally said, "we gonna talk?" He took a moment to answer. "Sure." He replied.
"You know we won't be happy if we have to hide this." He argued.
"Well we were happy in summer, weren't we?" I argued back.
"Well now this is for good."
"Well maybe people won't judge us anymore."
"You know people always will."
"But what if maybe we could go outside and be us and it would be okay?"
Mikey paused. He wanted it. We both did. But we both knew that it would never happen.
"Can we just try?" I ask.
"I- yes. We can try."
I smiled at him. "So, you're my boyfriend now." I tease him. He laughs. "Yes I am." He sounds relieved. Like he's been waiting for this moment as long as I have.

Boyfriend.
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a/n
AHH YES IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS AHH
yes its angst hehe
i didn't publish this for a while bc i didn't rly wanna write sad stuff but woah did that change-
<3