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¿.𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣.? (ʰᵒˢᵉᵒᵏ)

Pure imagination
No real events
TW :- Death and suffering included

I adjusted my scarf around my neck shuffling to find its longer end. Morning mist was falling making my hairs sparkle with the shining drops. So I pulled my scarf from the back all up to my head.

Then my eyes fell towards the wooden bench I kept my flower bouquet on. I took the bouquet in my hand and started stepping towards the gate of the graveyard.
Tears traced the lining of my cheeks as I went inside towards my boyfriend Steven's grave.
Kneeling down I kept the flowers on the grave and started praying. Trying to connect with that feeling of him being around me.
Hands weekly joined together I prayed
" Hey stevey. Hope you are fine. I miss you, will always miss you. I hope I could join you soon there. " I started sobbing and waiting for that one answer I suppose Steven gives me.
Yes. Everytime I visit his grave and keep the flowers on his grave, I bow down to pray and as I get my head up there's a butterfly flying to me. Always. Not even a single time it was like there was no butterfly and I feel the smell of my Steven around me. I hear his presence around me.

I finished praying and was getting my head up waiting to see the colours of the little friend greeting me and getting me my Steven's message.
I lifted my head up and opened my eyes slowly and started looking for the Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
butterfly. I swayed my head side ways to have a better look around me. My eyes started squinting in disappointment when today for the first time in 1½ years I got not butterfly around me.

My throat became heavy and voice wasn't coming out. Only the tears finding way to come out as my sadness inclined as I looked towards the heaven as if questioning the only person I loved even after he left me after promising to be there for me and with me always.
" Why? Am I doing a mistake? Are you mad at me? Love? " Words escaped my mouth in an airy voice and I couldn't resist my tears flowing out as I looked at my wristwatch and it was time to leave already for the college now. I couldn't. I looked around again in hope, I went around the place to look for it only to shatter my heart into pieces convinced that the only sign that was keeping me still alive has gone.

I had classes, so I went towards the same bench again, swung the bag across my shoulder and started walking to college. All the way I was talking to myself thinking of the ways to trick myself into thinking that this might be just this one time. Maybe he was sleeping, obviously such a sleepy head he was. Or maybe the butterfly lost the way. Or could be possible that all the butterflies were busy today.

Telling myself these stupid excuses, I kept walking and was finally in front of my college gate.
I didn't wanted to do this. All I wanted to do was going back to my home and cry my heart and soul out. To lay around my bed false hoping for Steven to return. How can I let go? My parents and people around me tell me to forget him and move on. Seriously, how can I forget those moments, those talks, his voice, his laugh. Our love.
Our love was teenage love but unlike it the stereotypes its was even stronger than my parents ever had. Somehow managing my legs to still function and my senses to do their job, I walked through the corridor and entered the class.
Atleast the class I was having today was a good subject and the teacher that takes this lesson is nice and often talks with me after Steven passed away. She is Steven's mom actually. She used to teach us, and knew about us. We were in same class since the fresher year and now it was the final year already but she always helped me out in whatever ways she could even after Steven's demise.