Forgiven

Chapter One - I Found Her - Ronan

The city has always been a beautiful monster. The drizzling rain rippling puddles, street lamps attempting to illuminate the dark sidewalks. There's always a hum, or a buzzing, that's created from the abundance of people chattering. As appealing as the city may seem to most, like I said, it's a beautiful monster. If a person walks a little too far on sketchy sidewalk, or wander down the wrong alley, a person could very well find themselves killed or abducted. Drugs, hookers, rapists, child molesters, even killers, lurk down the dark desolate alleys. Corrupted cops walk the streets like a lion stalks prey. The crooked officers are always looking for weak links in the underground. Who can they exploit? Who can be blackmailed? It's an endless cycle of crime.
Tapping my fingers on the table I stared out of the window, watching people. Bringing my attention back to the conversation my college buddy and I were having, Adam Busch clicked a few buttons on his phone then slid it into his front pocket, "Where were you today?"
I cracked a small smile, "I was dealing with a few personal things," Knowing Adam wouldn't be satisfied with just this, I added vaguely, "Some crazy girl went AWOL on me last night."
"So, what I'm hearing is that you had some fun?" Adam cocked an eyebrow.
Turning a corner of my lip up, "Sure," I rubbed my chin, moving on, I asked, "Any news on the party's guest list?" I asked. I hung my head low, relaxed against the worn out booth cushion. Although I rested my head in a manner it appeared I was staring at my drink, but my eyes are always up, always studying people around me.
Adam lifted his hands to his face resting his chin in his hands. Adam was trying to force a grin from forming on his face, but his eyebrows betrayed him, they raised slightly. "All right, Adam, spill." The grin Adam was forcing back, left his features completely, nothing, but a very subtle hint of disappointment washing over his face.
"Dude, why? Why do you have to ruin my fun? I was going to surprise you!" He always sort of acted like a child when things didn't go his way. I held up my hands in surrender, my white eyes moving to meet his, strands of my rough, bed-head hair getting in the way. "My bad, but go ahead, tell me, what's the surprise?" I asked, playing with the sugar packets on the table, trying my best to make a little house.
" So," He started, pausing for dramatic effect, "That girl you were asking about, you know the one you can't stop talking about?" He said leaning on the table
"I don't talk about her that much." I retorted playfully, acknowledging that I knew who he was talking about.
Adam rolled his eyes, "Whatever. Anyways, I managed to figure out who she is, and where to find her." My eyes widened, my head started feeling a little fuzzy. I nodded my head trying not to look too eager for him to continue, "Turns out she's related to Finch; she's his cousin. She's going to be in town for a while it sounds like. I subtly asked him if he would want to bring his cousin to the party we're throwing this weekend." He smiled at me, "Am I awesome, or am I awesome?"
I returned the smile, "I guess you're awesome."
Damn you Adam, I thought. He always knew how to make me hang on the edge of my seat. I could tell by the look in his eye there was something else. "I feel like there's an and at the end of that sentence."
"And, Finch said he'd talk to her about coming to the party, but he told me to not get my hopes up, she's been through something traumatic recently. She was released from the hospital only a couple months ago." I put on a small smile, giving him a short chuckle. I know exactly what sort of "trauma" she went through. My brain had already started to plan ways to ensure that Ryan Finch's younger cousin went to the upcoming party. Unfortunately, I drew a blank. I must have done a good job at making it look like I was paying attention, because when my mind came back to the moment, Adam was still talking. Luckily, he was talking on a subject I know very well, "Tell me how you're so unbelievably good at reading people!" His tone was so full of awe and excitement. One of my, so called talents, or abilities that Adam is aware of, is my profiling abilities.
"I don't really know, I've just always been able to read people's actions." That was the best answer I had for Adam. I don't really know why I'm so good at reading people's emotions, or anticipating their actions. I was raised to read people, my father made sure of it. He wanted to make sure that I understood people, to ensure I could really appreciate seeing others in pain. If I told Adam what and who I am, I don't think he'd believe me, but I'd be in very serious trouble if he did. For about three minutes we talked about college life, we laughed at some dumb stuff we did to impress girls. Finally, after about twenty minutes of waiting, our waitress arrived with our food. The diner was full of people, but it wasn't packed either.
Our waitress hurried to our table, she cracked us a quick, typical hostess smile, "I'm so sorry for the wait. Please enjoy your food." She hurried back towards the kitchen, the restaurant was bustling tonight. I watched her awkwardly picking up the next set of trays coming through the window. She was pretty in an average kind of way.
"She's your type then?" Adam had an eyebrow raised, a smirk crossed his lips.
"She couldn't be any further from my type. My type is Ryan Finch's younger cousin." I picked up a couple fries, "Her name's Kate Shay." I don't think Adam anticipated me to continue talking about her, but I felt full of surprises tonight, so I continued. We talked and talked until we were finished eating; the entire conversation was about what types of girls we were interested in, including why we liked those kinds of girls.
"I never would have seen you as the type of guy who likes the shy, innocent, nerdy chicks."  Adam picked up his drink and played with the straw, studying me, "I just can't see it. I see you with more of a rocker, goth, anti-social chick." I lazily kicked his foot under the table.
"Says the guy who's into the classy, job oriented, professional women when you're a big child." I paused, realizing something about him I had never seen in him before, "I envy you, Adam. You've had a nice enough life to be playful and naive, in the best way of course." I explained.
"Aww...you know if you want to date me, man, you have to buy me dinner first," He joked. "Dude you're chill and funny too." I gave a weak smile. I'm going to tell him; he deserves to know. Adam waved down the waitress, asked for the bill, and she was off again hurrying to the cashier's counter. Taking a leap of faith, testing our friendship, seeing how far our brother bond went, I let go of a breath.
"Hey, Adam," He just responded with a small hum noise, "There's something I want to tell you, and I need you to do your best not to flip out. Definitely don't tell anyone. Promise?" He looked confused now, like he was thinking about what could possibly be such a large secret that no one could know.
"Alright, I promise. Wha-" I cut him off by putting my hand over his mouth. I leaned in close, enough that our noses were practically touching, "I'm the killer the police call Reaper." At first, I felt Adam smile behind my hand, but then he looked me in the eyes. Realization struck him, his pupils shrunk drastically. Almost in an instant he started sweating, his skin becoming clammy against my hand. Adam started moving his eyes frantically around the room. He's searching for a way out, "I'm going to take my hand off your mouth, ok?" I asked him, his eyes were still scanning the room, looking over the people surrounding us. "Adam? Hey, I'm going to let go of your mouth," I repeated, "We can talk about it like civil people, right?" Adam's eyes locked with mine finally. Slowly, Adam nodded his head. Cautiously removing my hand from his mouth, ready at any second to clamp it over his lips again, I lowered myself back into the booth. I noticed the sweat beading along his brows. Adam ran his hand down his face, then repeated this action with both hands. His color wasn't looking very healthy either, "Adam?" I asked, wondering if he'd respond to me. " Shit. I shouldn't have told you." Halfway out of the booth, I looked back at Adam, his face frozen in shock. Adam was pale, which is hard for him since he's a really tan guy. Adam visibly shivered, goosebumps raising on his arms. I was halfway out of the diner by this point, from here I could still tell how disturbed he was. "S-sorry." I said to a lady I'd run into. Leaving the diner, I walked into the dark parking lot, bowing my head and hunching my shoulders.
The cop I spotted earlier, through the diners window, was now walking past me. He was crooked, a guy like me can always tell. Although it's not difficult to figure out. He had his hands shoved in his cheapo leather jacket, his uniform hat sat low on his head, shielding his eyes from everyone. The cop tripped, a bag of what I suspected to be either heroine or meth fell out of his hand, landing in a small puddle on the sidewalk. The cop cursed, quickly retrieving his drugs. The bastard better not be heading home with those. I decided to follow him. I know what it's like to dread the moment your father walks through the front door, or when your father starts drinking. My father never touched drugs, but his beer, oh his beer made him a violent animal.
As I followed the pig in front of me, my mind shifted to a different train of thought, why did I tell Adam? I asked myself. Keeping my distance from the cop, I continued questioning myself. Maybe it's because I was tired of bearing my cross alone? While I pondered the many reasons why I let such a secret out, the cop turned left onto a different street, he's getting suspicious of me. I went straight, crossed the street. Now we were walking on opposite sides of the street, this made him calm down a bit, continuing his walk to wherever he was going. I walked a little faster, taking bigger strides, when the next alleyway came up I walked down it. Since I was in a dark alley, I turned back around, watching the cop. He walked a little further, nearly out of my line of sight, stopping in front of a run down apartment building. The building only had a few lights on, bricks were falling from their original place, sidewalks cracked, and the windows were barred.
The pig walked through the doors. I waited a minute, then I walked across the street. I peered through the windows in the doors. The cop was having a seemingly polite conversation with a lady. By the way he was standing and how close he was to her, the missing ring on the woman's finger, but the ring that was present on his; the lady wasn't his wife. So he's a cheater, too? I thought. Another five minutes passed before they said bye to each other, that's when I walked through the door, the lady checking me out, her eyes wandering up and down. Slut, I thought. "Hey there big boy." She purred.
"Not interested." I said, more than a little aggravated.
"Oh, come on, I can relieve some of your stress." She tried again
"No. You're not my type. I don't like blondes." I stated simply. Climbing up the stairs. The prostitute grabbed my shoulder.
"I can change your mind, if you let me," She purred
"No. Keep askin' me-" I was interrupted by her, she also took her hand back,"What, are you going to kill me?" She giggled, "I can role play for you. If you want." I almost forgot about following the cop, the blonde distracting me. Ignoring her seemed to be a good idea, so I continued up the stairs. On the second floor of the building, trash littered the floor, a very old, cheap red carpet covered the floor. Even through my shoes I could feel the years of built up grime. Peeling wallpaper revealed rotting, black mold speckled, drywall. Flickering lights lined the walls, since the prostitute from the lobby distracted me, I couldn't find the cop, and I'm not going to knock on all of the doors. While letting go of a sigh, I went back down stairs, the blonde woman was still there. Wonderful. I thought maybe I could do a quick stab and run, or maybe lure her to some isolated location, but inconveniently my phone rang. Standing at the bottom of the staircase I looked at the name displayed on my phone, Adam. I was hesitant to answer, but I did, I didn't say hello when I answered, I just waited.
Adam didn't speak either, then a thought crossed my mind, if he called the police they're probably tracing my call. I hung up. Doing my best to not act suspicious, I left the decrepit apartment building, not paying any attention to the Blonde. The possibility of being traced darkened my mood. The thought of having to possibly lose, or confuse a triangulated location, I felt exhausted, and I haven't done anything yet. In case the police ended up getting a ping off of my cell phone, I walked away from my home. A few hours had passed, the night a few shades darker, I started casually looking around for a place to dump my phone. I thought I'd dump it at a gas station, then I thought that'd be too cliche, it would also be risky. There's cameras at convenience stores. I don't have anything to cover my face. So I moved on to making a Plan B. The next best thing popped into my head. I'll drop it in a puddle by accident, take out the battery, drop the battery down an alleyway, then move on. If anyone asks me about it, I'd tell them I didn't know the battery popped out when I put it back together. I will keep the shell of my phone for a few days, then I'll throw it away. Before I buy a new phone, I'll need to wait a few weeks, or maybe even a few months, before I can get a new phone. It's a good thing I don't have anyone I need to contact.
Finally, when I deemed I was safe enough to go home, I turned around and made the long journey to my apartment complex in the heart of the city. After a few hours of walking, I found myself walking past the old broken down apartment building. The one the cop lives in. The only reason I decided to take this route is because if I didn't I'd probably get lost, I can't use any sort of directional app, I'm now phoneless. The Blonde bitch was standing out front, she's talking to some poor man that's more than likely going to go to her apartment, he'll probably contract some sort of STD. For the man's sake, I hope he doesn't, I walked a little slower. I wanted to know if my guesstimation was correct.
His posture told me he's tired, a hard worker, a proud man. I was standing too far away to tell if he was wearing a ring or not, but the way his stance was turned away from her, he was at the very least uninterested. The Blonde didn't get the hint, she started pawing at his chest, pulling on the collar of his shirt. He held his hand up in front of him, waving at her dismissively, pushing past her, continuing to walk down the sidewalk. Good for you, I hope your wife loves you just as much. I thought, I felt as if I'd won something even though I was wrong. I can respect a man who can resist temptation. A lesson I've had to learn the hard way. My temptation though, far from sexual. With nowhere else to go, and no one to talk to; no other sounds filled the city streets than the humming of vehicles, buzzing lamp posts, and the rain falling, I was left to think about my decision tonight at the diner. Asking myself why I told Adam. wondering to myself when the police will be coming to get me, or if I'll be able to get myself out of the predicament I probably put myself in.

The second my hand landed on my apartment door's door knob, I felt as if I was going to pass out. My legs feel like rubber, my eyelids were barely open. Closing the door behind me, locking the deadbolt, placing the little chain on the door, I walked to my room. I didn't bother changing clothes, but the cold was clawing through my clothes, sticking to my skin. After crawling under the covers I readjusted, the night quiet. Closing my eyes, feeling sleep on the brink of swallowing me whole, my body decided it couldn't get comfortable. Of course, the one night I need sleep to calm down. I can't get comfy! I almost decided against sleeping again, but I need rest or I'll have a major psychotic break; I can't have that happen, especially since I've been trying to control myself. Every day gets harder and harder to stay calm, to be nice. The only peace I get from the monster inside me is when I sleep, but even then, sometimes I dream about my victims. Lying quietly, throwing a small tantrum, my body never decided it was comfy. My mind never shut off. I rolled relentlessly from my left side, to my right side, and back again. I was like this until the crack of dawn. Another sleepless night.