Forgiven

Chapter Two - Alone - Ronan

The sun was always a warm orange, red color when it peaked over the city's horizon. The light was amplified by the surrounding skyscrapers. I'd almost forgotten about yesterday, with how little sleep I've been running on lately, it almost felt like a dream. My mind was almost at ease, it had nearly convinced itself that I never told Adam. Then a knock at my door reminded me I'm still on edge. I didn't ask who it was, if I did and the police, along with Adam, were standing on the other side of the door, it would seem extremely defensive. So against my wishes, I went to the door and opened it. I almost laughed at how Adam looked, after one day of knowing, he looked disheveled. Scruff spotted his chin, bags under his eyes, his shoulders were rolled forward. Although he looked like any normal person would, I guess, after finding out that their best friend is a killer. Specifically, I'm a serial killer. Sometimes I'll switch up the pattern, it keeps the authorities on their toes.
As unnerved, and vagabond-ish, Adam appeared, the lines in his forehead, and the wrinkles next to his eyes told me everything. He wasn't as distraught as he made himself seem. This observation didn't just disturb me, but made the impression that a S.W.A.T. Team would be busting through my apartment windows, and shoving past Adam to get to me. "What." I said. It was more of a statement, I was mainly commenting on his looks than asking him what he's doing standing outside my apartment door.
"Explain." Was the only word he said. He pulled out two things that scared me. In his left hand a brand new phone. It looked like it had already been programmed. In Adam's right hand, my broken phone. All of the pieces in his hand.
"What the hell Adam." My fear turned into anger, "Did you follow me?"
"I was making sure you weren't going to hurt anyone."  Adam said. After a few minutes of stiff, awkward, tension I invited him in. I explained everything, when I finally came to the end of my story we were both standing across from each other. Paranoid that either the police were going to come busting through my door, or Adam was going to pull a weapon on me. I wasn't sure which of the two options would be more likely.
"So umm," I stammered, " That's the story." I said, awkwardly adding, "Every gruesome detail." His mouth dropped, his eyes were becoming glassy, "The only reason I wanted you to track Ryan Finch's cousin down, was so that I could apologize. I wanted to see if she would give me a second chance. I would like for her to try to get to know me. She was the first victim that deviated from my pattern." I reassured him, "We met by pure accident. Kanna Shay, Kates older sister, she was the one I was waiting on. The one I really wanted. Although Kanna never came back in. Kate did." I trailed off, since I had just explained everything to him, I don't need to reiterate any of it. After a painstaking twenty minutes in eternal silence, I blurted out, "Being born a killer isn't fun, man, and it doesn't help that my father fed the monster in me. I needed to kill, so I settled for Kate. Everytime I would lay a finger on her in a harmful way, my heart twisted." I put my head in my hands, I could feel my back muscles flexing, Adam noticed, fear sparking in his eyes. "For the first time in my life, Adam, I felt empathy. Do you know what empathy is?" I could see Adam through black strands of my hair, I was still leaning on my knees, I was looking up at him, he shook his head slowly, "Feeling guilty, putting yourself in the other person's shoes, understanding what they feel in a bad situation. Killers don't feel empathy. Or at least we're not supposed to. Doctors and professionals say psychopaths lack empathy. So why did I feel it?" I asked myself. "Do you know what I look like when I let the monster, when I let the real me out? My eyes turn pitch, fucking black! I don't even know how, or why they change?" Subconsciously I let out a laugh, a high pitched, manic laugh. "Finally, I couldn't bear what I'd done to Kate by myself any more. One day I went to my father, for some reason I thought that was a good idea." Another small chuckle escaped me, "So I told my father everything. He said to me, 'Kill her. She's made you weak son. You're not my son if you can't do such a simple thing. If you can't do it then I will.' I guess I should have heeded his warning."
"One day," Pinching the bridge of my nose in thought, "I think, last year." I paused, my time has melted together lately. My sense of time is very poor. "Yeah, last year, I came home from a long exam. I was ready to sit down and to decompress, but then I heard his voice. There he was, standing in front of Kate, hunched over, a butcher knife in his hand. Kate had a five inch gash in her throat." Making sure I didn't lose Adam, I looked at him, his eyes weren't glazed over. In fact he looked intrigued by the story. A little weirded out, I tried to make the story come to an end, "I walked over to Kate. H-her skin," My voice came out a little strained, the scene replaying so vividly in my head, I felt like it was happening all over again, "She was so white, her eyes were rolling around in her head, I tried soothing her. If she was going to die I didn't want her to be afraid. I dialed nine-one-one. The rest is history." I let go of a sigh, it was almost shaky, but I held my composure. "After all of that I moved. No one suspected it was me that had hurt her. Even though I was never tracked down from that incident, I didn't dare to test my luck. So, now I live here." Adams face was very perplexed. We sat in silence for a very long time, not a word was shared.
What now? Do I ask him to leave, do I offer to get him a drink, food maybe? We sat quietly, looking at each other. Adam wore a quirky smile, I couldn't tell if it was his way of handling things, or if he found the whole situation humorous? Really, this whole situation gave me a deja-vu feeling. I feel like I've done this before, but I never have. After a very long, uncomfortable silence, filled with so much tension I could cut it, Adam said one word, "Wow." A low, humorless chuckle escaped him. "So you were born a killer. You're father was an asshole, which didn't help. Then he taught you how to kill? Fast forward some years, you kidnap Kate because she was alone. As brutal of a killer as Reaper is," He gestured with both of his hands, to me, "Which is you, didn't enjoy hurting Kate, so now, you want to be buddy buddy with her?" He paused long enough to see if he summed it all up good, I nodded my head, "This is like a fucked up Tim Burton story."
"A fucked up Tim Burton story?" I repeated, stunned. Denial is a way people try to cope with information they're not sure what to do with. "Listen, believe what you want. Be like the rest of society. I'm a completely heartless, emotionless creature." I stood from the couch, pointing to my door, "Either way you need to leave." A few moments passed before he stood up,  pausing in front of me. Adam looked me over, from head to toe, then walked through the door. I didn't have classes today, I also didn't have work, so I didn't know how to fill my time. I thought maybe I could go to Nancy's and just chill out until her shift ends? But then I thought, maybe after a long day on her feet she'd just want to go home and sleep or watch TV. So another thought crossed my mind, I could always track Nial down. He's always up to something. The idea wasn't a bad one, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with his sort of trouble. Especially if I'm trying to keep a low profile. I decided against being around anyone, so I turned some music on, laid down on my couch, my feet hanging off of the end of the couch,  letting my mind drift.