magical girl.com

chapter 5 - what is wrong with me.

1/2/20 1:12 pm

shit. what do i do. i should have listened to the signs.
nothing.
nothing is real.
why does it feel like this..?
no
no
let me out
i want out
this isnt real
i need to get out.
please.
the only explanation is that nothing is real.
Amy probably realized that and found the way out.

i thought it would be easier to handle.
no
its not.
its worse than it seems.
the scariest part is that i know something is missing.
Amy is the one missing. her body is here.

how the actual fuck did i not notice anything happening with Amy?
damn it why was she good at hiding it.
she was such a good friend, i was the rude one.

"its not ur fault"
that feels oddly hard to believe even though Amy was the one who basically said that.

i was so good at handling this during my weird ass scenarios i made up in my head, why cant i just be like that now?

the world it spinning. its so bright, but yet its so dark. everything hurts, but yet, everything feels numb. its so loud, and yet its silent. everything is my body feels wrong. nothing is real, nothing is right.

Amys right.
i am a selfish asshole.
why am i making this about myself? Amy's the one who is literally dead.

crap
i need to call her dad.
i dont give a flying fuck if he's busy. his daughter is dead.

i cant move
why
i cant move
i need to
please
come on
i need to move
why cant i
its never been this hard to get up.

i cant get up.
every time i get up i see everything around me, surrounding me, reminding me that my best friend of eight years is gone.

heh. haha. no. its not real. nothing. its just a dream. come on now! i realized! now can i come out? please..?

please
i at least need to stand up.
i need to call jerry. Amy's dad.

finally. after how long of being on the ground sobbing. im finally up.
i need to call someone.
Amy's dad? 911?
her parents need to know.
but then again, what if i can get 911 to save her?
never mind. thats dumb. of course they cant. shes dead. gone. a lifeless body.

i think... maybe her dad first.. he'll know what to do..
i still can't believe she stapled noted to her skin.
it hurts to think about even, never mind actually doing it. was that the point?

what did she mean by "i didnt wanna re-experience it"
during the fight. she said that. i wonder what it meant?

you know what.. i think i finally have enough courage to call jerry.

i really hope he knows what to to.