I will feel this grief in my bones until the day I die.
My younger self doesn't deserve the pain I put her through and I would cradle her so close if I could go back in time.
I hold myself and sob.
Saying 'she never deserved this' but I'm not sure if I mean 10 year old me or 22 year old me.
I don't deserve the pain,
Neither did she.
But here we are as I feel the tears choke me as I lay on my side and hold my face the way it should be held, the tears pooling in my hands against my ears, dampening my hair to my cheeks as screams of misery fill the dark room.
I try to imagine what it'd be like if any day I didn't carry the world's weight on my shoulders,
Could I breathe better?
Could I eat better?
Would my stomach not hurt?
Would my head not hurt?
Would it all be easier if I just disappeared?
No, no then too many people would be sad but it'd be so much less pain for me, I'd be doing her a favor.
As I cradle my head I beg to myself that my brain will just stop going a million miles a minute for just a second, but it just keeps going.
I'm losing a never ending battle.
YOU ARE READING
My poems
RandomI will write my deepest, saddest thoughts here. Warning, you may cry, or scream, or tell someone you love them more then ever. But please don't be angry with me.
