Maze Runner - Relentless

XI

Eva... 

I don't know how long I've been sitting here, but it feels like it's been hours. Newt gave me a damp rag to wipe my face and now both me and Newt sit in my hammock in silence. 

"So... are we gonna talk about this? Or are we just gonna sit here?" 

I chuckle and shrug... "There's not much to talk about."

Newt's head snaps in my direction "That's the most ridiculous bullshit I've ever heard. You just spent like thirty minutes bawling your bloody eyes out. You can't tell me that there's nothing to talk about." 

"I'm just stressed... I'm responsible for everything... for the glade for the shanks in the glade and their escape. I just feel like if they don't make it out then that's my fault."

"How's that your fault?'

"How is it not?" 

Newt seems to think over my words carefully, trying to come up with something positive to say. I watch him intently as he processes my words and attempts to think of something to comfort me. After a while, a smile creeps onto my face. "You got nothin'?" 

He sighs with a laugh "Well you make it very difficult to be positive." 

"Well then don't be positive, just listen." 

That must be a foreign concept because Newt looks at me and then stares at the ground deep in thought before turning back to look at me. "I suppose I'll try to be less positive." 

"Sounds good." 

I debate whether or not I should show Newt the note I found. If I give it to him he'll probably try and comfort me as usual and I don't want that... I just want him to listen and let me handle it in my own way. I reach into the pocket of my cargo pants and hand him the folded note.

"What's this?"

"Read it."

He eyes me curiously as he slowly unfolds it and then reads it carefully. I watch his brown eyes scan the small paper, becoming sadder and sadder by the second, and when he finishes he stares at the paper for a minute before meeting my gaze.

"Did you know?" He asks in a quiet voice and I shake my head, "I never saw the note... I don't even know how it made its way here." 

I remember the day it all happened very clearly and maybe if I'd known about the note, then that day would've ended differently. 

Newt is the only person who knows about what happened that day because he was the only other person there. It happened 3 weeks after he arrived and he knows that it's a sensitive topic because he knows that I blame myself, and now I blame myself even more because of the stupid note. If only Darin had put it in a more obvious place. I want to kick something right now. 

"I know you're thinking this is your fault...." Newt gingerly picks up my hand and places the note in my palm before closing my fingers over it. "It's in the past... nothing can be done now... we just have to move on." 

I slowly inhale and then exhale. I fold the paper up again and walk over to a small wooden box and leave it inside. 

"You know some of the gladers are pissed that we haven't had a gathering yet..." Newt says, trying to change the subject which honestly makes me so happy that he isn't going to push for me to spill my guts. 

Crap... I completely forgot about that. Thomas and I were supposed to discuss the device we found in the griever. "Shit...  Should we go do that now?"