Saying goodbye

A\N: I rewatched 4x19 'Grace Period' the other day  so here comes another Tony/Paula oneshot with Gibbs/Tony father/son comfort.

I hated that they never gave Paula a funeral like they did for Kate, like she deserved, so here is my Paula funeral oneshot, enjoy, Angels.

Gibbs watches as his son stares into space, his green full of tears and his heart breaks for his boy. His son just watched as his fellow agent, ex-girlfriend and friend sacrificed herself for her friend and his team. Gibbs walks up behind his son and puts his hand on his kids shoulder smiling slightly when his son leans into the touch. The bullpen is empty at the moment with Ziva getting some food for all of them and McGee with Abby.

"God, why couldn't I have known what she was about to do, Dad?" His son asks, his voice raspy. That's the first time Gibbs has heard his son speak since before Paula's death. Gibbs sighs as he ponders the question.

"You couldn't have known because she made a split second decision that none of us could have seen coming except her. You can't blame yourself for her death, son. I won't let you. Paula wouldn't let you blame yourself for her death." Gibbs says firmly, his hand tightening on his son's shoulder. Tony exhales shakily as he shrugs the older man's hand off his shoulder.

"Dad, please don't try to make me feel better because it won't work." Tony says quietly just before the two of them hear the elevator doors open to reveal Ziva holding 6 pizza boxes from Tony's favourite pizza parlour in walking distance of the Yard. The smell of pizza hits the two men as Ziva walks further into the bullpen, dropping the boxes on her desk and looking at the father/son duo with a smile on her face. "Shall I call McGee and Abby?" The Mossad officer asks her partner and her boss, her boss nods his head.

"Please, Ziva." Ziva hides her shock at Gibbs saying the word 'please' by calling Abby's lab and telling her and McGee that food id here before returning her phone to the cradle and watching as Gibbs pulls up his desk chair beside Tony. Ziva knows about Gibbs and Tony's father/son relationship and finds it endearing, especially after the events of today that have so obviously shattered Tony. The three agents sit in silence until Abby and McGee enter the bullpen, Abby running to hug Tony who's arms remain at his side. Abby pulls away from Tony with a sad look on her face before sitting at Gibbs' desk. Ziva passes around the pizza's around the team, smiling at Tony when she hands him two boxes. "I got you a box of cookies too." She stage- whispers to him. Tony only nods as he stares at the pizza boxes, making no move to open them. Gibbs sighs and opens the boxes himself.

"Eat!" The Lead Agent says sternly. He hasn't seen his SFA eat all day. Gibbs watches Tony slowly take a slice of pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese pizza and takes a small bite, chewing robotically. It's something at least. Gibbs supposes as he eats his own pizza, keeping an eye on son.

It takes Tony 15 minutes to eat one small piece of pizza when it takes him 10 minutes to eat a full pizza. The team, minus Tony, have finished eating their dinner when the Director comes down and stands in the middle of the bullpen.

"Agent Cassidy's funeral is tomorrow at the church." The woman says addressing them all before turning to Tony.

"Agent Cassidy's family has expressed their wishes for you to talk at her funeral and for you to help carry her coffin." She says to Tony who just nods his head. Gibbs shares a look with Jen.

Gibbs is worried about how tomorrow will be on his son.

Gibbs watches his son walking with Paula's coffin on his shoulder. His face is expressionless as he walks to the podium, looking at the blown up picture of Paula.

"The day I met Special Agent Paula Cassidy in Cuba, I only had one thought in mind 'she's going to be the death of me', Paula was the only one who saw right through the masks I had on and she made them crumple with just one look. We danced my first night in Cuba and even though it wasn't a date, it was one of the best dates I've ever been on. If I could trade places with her, I'd do it in a heartbeat because she was such a better person than I was. She told me something that day. She said 'life's too short to tell someone you don't love them', well the person she was talking about was herself, she just didn't know it. I love you, Paula Cassidy. I'll always love you until the day I take my last dying breath. You'll always be an NCIS Special Agent."

The church is quiet as Tony leaves the podium and sits down in the front pew with his team. Gibbs sighs inwardly, knowing his son needs to talk. He puts a hand on his son's knee supportingly. Tony's face is just expressionless as it was five minutes ago and it's worrying Gibbs. After the service, Gibbs helps his son to his feet and leads him out of the church, hand on hand on his shoulder, their team, Jenny, Abby, Ducky and Palmer close behind them. 

Tony, sitting in front of the fire, clutches his third bottle of beer wearing a pair of his Dad's sweatpants and his well worn USMC t-shirt. He can't believe Paula is dead, it still doesn't seem real to him yet, despite today being her funeral. He takes a long pull of his beer and sighs, looking at the orange embers. He witnessed his fellow agent and friend die right in front of him just like Kate.

"Son?" His Dad says from behind him, Tony ignores him and continues looking at the orange flames.

"We need to talk about Paula." Hearing her name causes Tony's gaze to rip away from the fire and look at his Dad who is on the couch.

"There's nothing for us to talk about: she's dead, that's it." Tony snaps, finishing off his beer and putting the empty bottle down on the coffee table down next to the two other empty bottles.

"Tony, yes she's dead but you need to talk to me about what you're feeling." Gibbs says, Tony scoffs and rolls his eyes before going to the fridge and grabbing his 4th beer.

"You? You want me to talk about my feelings? The functional mute wants me to talk?" Tony says, getting angry, opening his beer and taking a swallow.

"Tony, you told the church that you loved Paula." Tony rolls his eyes again. "I did, but I didn't tell her before she was killed in front of me." he feels eyes filling with tears.

"She died just in front of me like Kate, Dad, and just like Kate, I was too late to save her. Both Paula and Kate died because I was too slow to protect them." Tony starts ranting, pacing around the living room.

"Son, they didn't die because of you. They died because of monsters, not because you were too slow to save them." His Dad says. Suddenly Tony launches himself at his Dad and wraps his arms around his dad, burying his head in his Dad's shoulder, tears running down his face.

"She's gone, Dad." Tony sobs as his Dad tightens his arms around his son.

"I know, so, I know." Gibbs says softly, kissing his son's temple. Tony just stands in the living room in his Dad's arms, tears flowing down his face thinking about Paula.

While he'll miss her, he's glad he had a chance to say goodbye to her.

A\N: I've been working on this for three/four days, so enjoy, Angels.