female celebrity comfort stories

radio | amy winehouse

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23 july 2011.

4061 days. a whole lifetime since she died.

i remember that day like it was yesterday. the day my whole world turned on its side.

walking into that bedroom and finding her there, being an average 5 year old all i wanted was for my mama to come play with me after spending the week at my grandparents.

but mama couldn't come play that day. mama couldn't ever play again.

the nice police officer had to sit down with me and explain that mama wasn't coming back ever again, that she was in a 'better' place.

5 year old me was frustrated that mama left me. how could she be in a better place if she wasn't with me?

i had so many questions and no one would answer them.

the court had me in some random person's custody while everyone i knew argued over who should get me.

my grandparents wanted full custody but mama's lawyer had it in writing that she didn't want me with them.

then there was my father. my junkie father. he was only after custody to exploit my name and it was clear. that ruled him out of the line up very quickly.

then came my saviour. my god mother. del. or known to the world as Adele.

it took months of lawyers and hours on end of court rooms.

people arguing that we weren't blood related and mum never said that i should go with del if something happened.

mum didn't really say anything about any of that.

made the whole process so much worse for me. it dragged on and on. from the age 5 until 6 was spent not knowing who i'd be going home to.

that first night at dels house was the best i think i've ever slept.

the first night in a year that i hadn't cried myself to sleep.

the first night in a year i hadn't woken in tears.

i was finally safe, asleep in dels arms.

in the room she painted just for me, covered in stars.

a whole lifetime passed since that first night.

there's not a day that goes by that i don't think about her. what she could be doing. what we could be doing.

i dont get nightmares about that day anymore. only twice every year. on the same days, just like clockwork.

september 14th and july 23rd.

the day she was born and the day she died.

i can't quite explain why.

we were always connected, inseparable. everyone always said i was a mini version of her.

i had her jet black hair and her dark brown eyes and her height. we share the same pale complexion.

we shared the same pale complexion. shared.