Quantum Entanglement: Howzer and Aurelia

38. Entanglement

[Summary of last chapter, for those who skipped: Aurelia's water broke 10 days early, and after a difficult night and day of labor, the baby didn't make it. Lennox was with her throughout the whole thing, creating a deep bond through the shared tragedy.]

 The next ten days blended together in a blur of attempting to cope. Lennox coordinated extra volunteers at the clinic, promising that she didn't need to come in until she was ready, but Aurelia felt even worse with nothing to do. Her tiny dorm room was a place of safety for her grief, but it felt smaller by the day, and a sudden idea came to her one morning. She was shocked she hadn't thought of it before, throughout all the months she'd been back on Coruscant. 

Pulling on the nearest clothes she could see, she ventured out to the upper levels, watching the world continue on around her as if nothing had happened. She felt isolated, walking among a staggering variety of people who were laughing, talking, planning, and bustling about -- business as usual. It was a slow journey as she found her way, but as she saw the park stretching out before her, her sense of relief was accompanied by a bittersweet pain in her chest. Perhaps this had been a mistake. But something within encouraged her to press on, and as she gingerly strolled the paths, noticing the increased overgrowth and changed landscape from the way she remembered it, the rhythmic sound of her steps and the growing quiet of the space began to have a comforting effect. 

She found their old spot, although the branches between the trees had grown so much that she couldn't get through. Finding another way around, she tiptoed past the water's edge to find the fallen log, staring at it in disbelief. How had it been only a few years since she'd leaned against it, heart thrilling at Howzer's sheepishness as he revealed the poetry he'd found? The shock of his sloppy first kiss resurfaced, bringing a wistful smile to her face despite the ten-pound weight in her chest. She lowered herself slowly to the ground, grateful for the pain and bleeding having lightened enough for her to begin to move around more normally. The world seemed to slow around her, creating a loving and peaceful space where she allowed the grief to pour out once again. As she emptied herself, eventually becoming quiet and still, she felt the sun on her face, closing her eyes to bask in its glow. One step at a time.

* * * 

A few days later, she found herself in a proverbial pit of darkness, curled in the chair in the corner of her room. She'd gone to the clinic a few times, moving through the motions with a flat affect, grateful for the polite discretion of the few others that were there. Lennox had been checking in on her regularly, bringing food in both the mornings and evenings, most of which had been left uneaten, and smoothing the way for her at the clinic to keep her duties simple and optional, void of patient interaction. 

There was a gentle rap at the door, and she shuffled over, blanket wrapped around her shoulders, clothing wrinkled and mismatched. It slid open, revealing Lennox's lanky form, and the kindness in his eyes stifled any self-consciousness that Aurelia may have felt. As he took in her overall appearance, he said nothing, stepping inside as she beckoned and setting a small box of snacks on the counter. 

"Need a hug?" he asked simply, waiting patiently at an arm's length, and Aurelia leaned in, nodding minutely. He felt guilty, knowing that he enjoyed her touch more than he should have, and pulled away after a moment. It tore him up inside to know that her heart belonged to another, yet he couldn't bring himself to create distance between them. He knew it was foolish, that he was simply increasing his own disappointment, but he couldn't help it. And perhaps, if he was honest with himself, there was the possibility that someday she would be unattached... Or that she might see better options for herself... But he stifled the thought immediately, moving instead back toward the door.

"Rough day today?" he observed, leaning against the doorframe. 

"Rough few days... I thought I was getting more ambitious but then I lost it," Aurelia answered, shrugging dismissively. "I'll probably come in today. I need to do stuff..."