Love Under Duress

Honestly, Fuck All These Alien Bugs

Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Warning: Insects

McKay groaned, swatting away the local variant of a mosquito. Not even five steps from the DHD and he was already being swarmed by alien insects. "Ugh, new planet, new bugs," he complained, wishing he had some sort of bug spray that worked on alien bugs, since apparently normal bug spray wasn't good enough for them.

"More like old bugs," Ronon said, and McKay nodded in agreement. "How come there are bugs on every single planet we visit?" he asks nobody in particular, swatting yet another one away from his face. Sheppard shoots him a glance, "McKay, shut up."

McKay shut up, opting to keep the complaining mental for the next two minutes- as he would no doubt forget and start complaining again. They walked in silence for a couple moments, and McKay remembered the ridiculous reason they had to be on this planet in the first place.

Beckett wanted them to check out some local plants for their medicinal value. Of all the reasons, seriously? Why did it need to be them, arguably the most important AR team on Atlantis? There weren't even any signs of civilization on this planet, which meant no people, zero Ancient technology that McKay could possibly pilfer- borrow, he amended himself- back to Atlantis, and an overwhelming surplus of bugs.

McKay suddenly forgot about Sheppard, and his complaining became verbal again, "Ow! Why are these bugs biting so hard? I swear if they're stealing my blood-" Sheppard shot him another glance. "McKay," he warned.

He shut up again. He didn't know what made him shut up when Sheppard told him to- although only for minuscule amounts of time. Maybe it was that the man looked terrifying, calmly traipsing through the dense jungle (barely even a forest) with his P90 seemingly at ease. Or maybe it was that the man looked so undeniably sexy-

McKay felt blood rush to his cheeks and might have even stopped walking if he hadn't remembered their little 'mission'. Though he did betray a slight misstep, to which Teyla spared a glance, but didn't inquire.

He completely ignored the thought and attempted to file it away in his mind to deal with later (though not very successfully). This time he was glad to be brought out of his thoughts by the bite of another bug. He looked down at his arm and almost fainted. He swore his skin was more bite than flesh by now.

"I am impressed, McKay." Tesla said, "We have gone at least ten minutes without unnecessary complaints." The way she talked, he couldn't be sure whether she was genuinely impressed, or if she was teasing- though it was certainly the latter. He decided not to comment, thinking perhaps he might accidentally mention something less than welcome about Sheppard.

"Hey, don't kick a gift horse in the mouth," Sheppard said, making use of some weird Earth expression that McKay had heard countless times. Teyla cocked her head as they continued, "I am unsure of why anyone would kick a horse in its mouth, gift-bearing or not."

Again, McKay couldn't tell whether she was joking, or she genuinely didn't know the expression. Of course, the second option was infinitely more plausible. Sheppard chuckled and told her not to mind it, and McKay conceded to ignore Sheppard and check his arms yet again.

He furrowed his brow, staring at the red marks on his arm- though it felt more like he was trying to find the arm on his red marks. "Y'know, someone should really invent alien bug spray," McKay spoke up, "I can't even see my arms anymore."

Sheppard laughed this time instead of telling him to can it, "Then why don't you do it, 'Mr. Smartest Mind In All Of Two Galaxies'?" McKay almost said 'That's not my name.', before he realized he was being teased again.

"Very funny," he said, "Yes, let's all make fun of the guy who's saved you at least ten times." Sheppard spoke up, and McKay swore he could hear the grin in his voice, "Really? Only ten times? I swear I've saved you twice as many times."