Book Two: Snape's Memories

Chapter Two

What?" asked Harry sharply, he couldn't think what he was doing here. Snape leaned casually against the headmaster's desk, looking rather relaxed. For Snape anyway, "Did...did you send for me?" Harry was confused. Something important had happened. Something to do with his family?

Ginny had been caught trying to steal the Sword of Gryffindor. Was that why he was here..? "Sir...Ginny didn't take the Sword. We found it. The Silver Doe took us to it..." Harry didn't have a hope that Snape would listen to him. Snape never did, but Harry felt compelled to try to keep Ginny as far out of this as possible, "Don't turn her over to the Carrows."

Snape didn't move, although the corner of his mouth quirked up, "I'm well aware of that Silver Doe, Mr. Potter." he said, quietly, "And the Carrows have been dead for some time."

Yes, that's right, Harry realized, dead for years now. And Harry hadn't even been at Hogwarts when the Carrows were there. He hadn't been a Hogwarts student for twenty years. And Snape was...

"Sir." Harry began slowly, his mind seeming to lurch into motion, "You're dead."

Snape nodded calmly, "Caught up now, Potter?" he asked, softly. With none of the rancor his voice used to hold for Harry.

"I'm dreaming?" Harry hoped he was dreaming, he had too much to do to be dead.

Snape nodded again, looking amused, "Yes, you are."

Another thought occurred to Harry, "Are you real, or am I dreaming you?"

Snape rolled his eyes, in the manner he used when he felt Harry was being particularly thick, "That's a useless question, Potter. If I were to tell you I was visiting from beyond the grave, that is precisely the sort of thing your fevered subconscious could imagine me doing. Conversely, a visitation might be inclined to allow you to think this is all a dream for their own purposes. Draw your own conclusions for once."

Harry was definitely going to have to owl Healer Phoebe in the morning.

"So, what are you doing here, then?" having remembered that he was now older than Snape was when Snape died, Harry would be damned if he referred to Snape as "Sir". He felt in his sleeve, willing his wand to be there. It was, to his relief. Harry didn't like to travel even his own dreamscape without it.

"I told you. I just wanted a word." Snape stood up. He was still dressed in his black teaching robes. He looked better than the last night Harry had seen him alive. Younger perhaps, or just better fed and better groomed. Harry considered that he'd never seen Snape look well rested in his whole time in school.

"About what? I assume if this was going to be one of those really nasty dreams, you would have started bleeding all over me by now." Harry had been plagued with that particular nightmare for two or three years after the war ended.

Again, Snape smiled that ironic smile, "Not tonight, Potter. If you like, I can arrange it for another time." Snape's smile grew wider at Harry's shudder, "No?" Snape walked to the door. "Come on, then."

Harry followed, "Where are we going?"

"Just come along."

They walked through the door, coming directly out onto the sunlit grounds rather than through the castle. Harry distantly noted that this would not be possible in the real castle.

The sky was bright and the trees clad in early summer foliage. Snape seemed to walk with a purposeful stride until they stood, side by side, at the edge of the lake.

They stood there for a minute or two, just looking. Harry thought this was the same place where Snape had spoke with his mother in their fifth year. Where Snape had asked Harry's mother if they were still best friends. The thought of it made Harry's heart ache a little.

"You know," said Harry in a low voice, "After you died, and I was trying to clear your name, Ginny said you'd been weird all year. She said when you found she and Luna and Neville trying to steal the sword, how you'd insisted to the Carrows that sending them into the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid was so much worse than anything they could come up with. She said at the time, none of them could figure out why you were protecting them."

Snape nodded, "Dumbledore..." he paused swallowed, "Made me swear to look after the students as best I could." Snape turned to Harry, his face darkening, "Because I had done such a stellar job looking after you, I suppose." he hissed, "It wasn't easy to keep you alive, you know. When you were so bound and determined to get yourself killed."

Harry had had some time to consider what things must have looked like to Snape. He sighed, "It all seemed like a good idea at the time."

Snape crossed his arms and grunted what sounded like an agreement, then "I'm sorry."

Harry stood staring at Snape. "Sorry..?" Harry said blankly, considered for a moment how to take that. Whether a product of his fevered subconscious or not, it wasn't what he was expecting Snape to say, "Sorry...for what?"

Snape's jaw clenched, "You want a litany of my crimes, Potter?" he snarled.

"No...I...just don't think you owe me anything." Harry shrugged. The sky was beginning to take on an ominous grey cast.

Snape took a long breath, seeming surprised, "Ah." he said, "Well, I suppose, I feel differently." he said stiffly, "I suppose, I should tell you that I had intended to take action on the things I learned in our occlumency lessons before they were cut short."

Harry squirmed uncomfortably, "I'm sorry about that..."

Snape raised a hand to stop Harry's explanation, "I was going to go to Dumblebore with the memories I had gleaned from your mind during our occlumency lessons. I knew that Dumbledore had placed you there for the protection the wards gave you, but I was convinced that another way could be found. I had intended to threaten Dumbledore with going to the Ministry. My intention was to have you placed in the care of an order member. And then you pulled that..." Snape paused, looking for a word,

"Ill-conceived childish stunt?" supplied Harry, quietly, remembering too well what it had been like to look into the memory of Snape's ambushing by his father and Sirius. How furious and demented Snape had appeared when he discovered Harry in the Pensieve.

"Hm. Yes." replied Snape bitterly, "Well, I stopped, after that. I decided that the best plan would be to ignore you. I still could have followed up on what I'd seen, but I decided that what I'd seen must have been...well..."

"Not that bad? Not your problem?" Harry finished Snape's sentence again. Harry had spent a few years being angry at Dumbledore, but he really couldn't fault Snape. Snape's own life had been too perilous to spend too much time on such things.

Snape looked away, shrugged "I knew it was bad." he continued quietly, "Did you never wonder why you didn't get in more trouble than you did? Delores Umbridge would have been delighted to back any punishment I chose. With Dumbledore out of favor and on the run from the Ministry, I could have had you expelled with a clear understanding that the blood wards would keep you safe from Voldemort. "

Harry wondered if that were true, or merely an explanation his dreaming mind was creating. Perhaps Minerva knew some of this. He'd ask her next time he saw her.

"You have a new ward, Mr. Potter." Said Snape, changing the subject unexpectedly, not that Harry minded.

"You mean Tim?" said Harry, smiling fondly now.

"Look after him, Mr Potter." said Snape softly.

"Harry? C'mon, we'll be late if you don't get up." Ginny was shaking Harry's shoulder and sunlight was pouring into the room.