Book Two: Snape's Memories

Chapter Twenty-two

31 December, 1981

The entire Wizarding World still celebrates and I am still hiding in the dungeons here.

Began Snapes' journal. This was the earliest one that Harry could find. It was painful reading; the man seemed to have had his journal as his sole confidant. Snape spent the first three months of 1982 debating the relative merits of throwing himself from the astronomy tower or drowning himself in the lake.

Harry read every page because he feared missing some clue or nuance of the potion he sought. He spent every waking moment with Snape's journals, it seemed. So much so that Ginny banned "that bloody book" from the breakfast and dinner table, one morning. Harry might have been annoyed with her if both the children hadn't started giggling.

"What?" asked Harry.

"I just finished asking the children to pretend they weren't antisocial savages, for five minutes." snapped Ginny, "I like to see my family in the morning. Not the top of three heads, with their noses buried in books." she walked away, grumbling that if she'd wanted that, she'd go stay with Auntie Hermione.

"I guess we were told." Harry muttered to Lily and Tim, to more giggling.

After that, Harry tried to confine his researches to during the work day.

In the spring of 1982, something changed for Snape. His journal took on a more scholarly, less personal tone. He recorded being asked to meet with Augusta Longbottom at Dumbledore's request. It appeared that Snape had a potion that helped with the after effects of the Cruciatus Curse. A nerve tonic that was infused with phoenix tears. It helped those victims who had after effects from a short exposure to the curse.

18 March, 1982

I was unable to give Mrs Longbottom the kind of response she had hoped for. I met with...Rather I should say I observed the Longbottoms in their ward at St. Mungos...there is no sense in them any more. I daresay, my potion will perhaps relieve some of their symptoms, but the damage to their magic and their nervous systems is irreparable. Honestly, it would be better if they had died, I think. I am not the only one to hold this opinion as

The entry ended incomplete and it was several months before Snape came back to his journal, apparently; the next entry was dated the following July. It was no longer the self castigating ramblings of someone caught in the grips of terrible guilt and grief, but the disciplined voice of the Potion Master Harry remembered.

15 July, 1982

Dumbledore feels there is merit in my thoughts and is willing to sponsor the research. This is a fortunate development-I would never be able to afford the ingredients for what will surely be a great many experiments.

What followed was a long treatise on the Cruciatus Curse, complete with notes on texts. Very quickly the information was over Harry's head. With Kreacher's help, he made copies of this and sent it off to Ernie McMillan, to see if the healer was able to make sense of it.

After that, was litany of experimental potion recipes, with their effects. Each contained ingredients that appeared to be calculated to counter the damages the Curse inflicted. Each one was deemed to be inadequate. Harry didn't like to think of the number of rats that gave their lives for this formula.

31 August, 1985

Of course, the animal studies will only go so far in telling me whether the physical damage is repaired. For the magical damage, I will have to test a wizard. I can, of course, think of no better subject than myself. It's not as though anyone else would volunteer. The trick will be to convince the old man that this is the only way to test it.