There is more than one of him

Chapter 23

Once they had heard the entire speech, Dazai's parents were surprisingly understanding. Chuuya hadn't antisipated that htey might acctually understand his intentions behind what he was trying to say, but surprisingly they did.

Which led them to an entire new problem, getting Dazai on board, aka. back downstairs and back in conversation.

Once again, since no one showed any intentions of doing anything, Chuuya sighed and took it upon himself.

"Alright, look, I know you would like to hear more about what happened and how many of the bosses words were true, but plainly seen, it's not my story to tell. Not the things that happened to him and neither the things he has done. ... I'm gonna go get him downstairs, I'll let him know what I told you and then I'll leave you for a while to get something to eat, since I doubt you'll have what he likes to eat, alright."

And so Chuuya went upstairs and informed Dazai of what he had just told them.

"I said I'd bring you downstairs to them and then go buy some crab and other stuff to eat, is that alright with you?"

Dazai just nodded, luckily by now, the empty eyes had cleared, leaving a seemingly intentional cold fassade and though it didn't necessarily make him appear nicer to anyone else, Chuuya redognised this to simply be Dazai's casual facial expression.

With that done, and Dazai sat down in the living room, Chuuya left the house to order food. There was no way, that he would leave this house completely unguarded, but he could order food and wait for it outside, while hopefully they were talking things out inside so that he could leave soon.

Though with Dazai one never knew.

"So. I suppose I owe you all some honest truth, don't I?" Dazai spoke up once he heard Chuuya shut the the door.

"Though I would really like to know what happened to you in the past and what all of that just now was about, you don't have to tell us, if you're not comfortable with it" Tane said earnestly.

"No, no it's fine. Everything that happened is already four years in the past and besides that, there's really no point in hiding it. This is reality and though it's not gonna be entirely pretty to hear for you, it doesn't really actively bother me anymore. I'm sure Chuuya has made you aware of that as well. I know you'd perfer me to be some heartbroken traumatized victim, that just needs to get over the trauma and learn how to cope with it, but unfortunately that's not true.

I'm not some fool, I know, that what happened to me was traumatizing, but it's long in the past. I have already coped with it, you don't need to help me with that anymore. I know it would be easier to accept if it were that way, than to accept that I'm simply a completely different person now. When the reason as to why I'm so different is all that trauma.

I know what my boss told you about me, about the substance abuse, the lack of hunger recognition, CPTSD and all that other mental bullshit going on inside of me. I know he told you about that. I know he's afraid I'm gonna run of and kill myself because I see no point in living. I know all that. I know he sees me as some lost ripped up plastic bag, that just happened to get caught up in something.

But that's not all I am. Yes, he's right, substance abuse is something I do, but I do that because I always have, since I was brought to the mafia 13 years ago.

I believe I've already told you some of this. So for starters. The reason I am here, is becasue I wanted to know, if it would be possible for me to live with the fact that I'm still a part of you, despite me being so entirely different. I wanted to know, if it would feel right or not. And I wanted to get you out of Yokohama. That city, that is no place for you. Many people know my face there, with how long it's been since many of them have seen me last, they might assume you are me.