Stitches in my Heart

Chapter 5

Neil, Marcus and the residents were covering the ER. They all gathered together after receiving Audrey's page.

"So everyone. I have an announcement to make. While I am the current Chief of Surgery, our surgical department will have a second chief, a co-chief." Audrey continued, "Yes I am aware that the position has gone through various changes in the past 12-13 months. Dr. Andrews retaining his position, hiring Dr. Han, firing Dr. Han" Audrey added with a smile to lighten the mood. "But our department has also created milestones and continues to expand in its field of work and responsibilities, thus having two leaders is in its best efficient interests. So.. start making your bets now!" Audrey said jokingly and clapping her hands together before exiting. The room broke into a loud chit chatter with everyone exchanging looks with both Marcus and Neil. It was obvious to everyone that the chief would be Neil, but in this hospital, anything could happen.

Neil and Claire went back to tending to their patient, a 24-year-old with severe asthma. "Nebulize her with 100 ml of Ventolin and monitor her O2 stats." Said Neil. Claire looked at him, "So, there is a chance that you will be the chief"

"Co-chief", Neil said softly correcting her, "and no, I am not sure what they will decide."

"I think you will make a brilliant chief. Co-chief." Claire said smilingly.

"You don't think I am bossy enough without bringing a co-chief scenario in?" Neil added flirtatiously.

"Well.. you are. But you are also the most amazing mentor and surgeon. Its only fitting that you are chosen for the position, that you deserve and have earned yourself." Claire's soft encouraging tone intensified Neil's own feelings for her everytime. He meant it when he had told her that she makes him a better surgeon and a better man. She had no idea, how much she inspired him. Moments like these, words were lost to him when it came to her. His gaze inadvertently went to her lips and he let his thoughts get away from him for a couple of seconds, he wished caressing her face and kissing her when the words didn't come, he wished having the luxury to kiss her anytime he wanted. Oh a luxury it would be, to love Claire Browne without any inhibitions. His heart ached a little at the thoughts and he stepped back from the stool. He handed her the patient chart and their fingers brushed. Even through the surgical gloves, the spark of the touch ignited both of them. Ignited them like no one man or woman had before.

Later, Claire was on the third level floor to check on one of her patients in post-op recovery. Just then she heard Alex and Morgan's patient crashing in a room adjacent to her. The monitor beeped in a flat line as the nurses and doctors scrambled to perform resuscitation. The flat line sound threw Claire back into her dream. An ache washed over her body as she stopped in her track and closed her eyes to inhale a deep breath.

Neil rushed over to her, before Claire even registered, he was caressing her shoulder and ushering her to sit down.

"Claire, are you okay? Are you dizzy? Did you even get enough rest after yesterday's surgery?" He said with both concern and frustration.

"I am fine.. I am perfectly fine. You don't have to worry so much about me." Claire responded in her soft assuring tone. It made her heart so whole that he cared even if she felt a little guilty that he did, she did not understand why. Perhaps she didn't want to admit to herself that he would care so much for her despite how close they had become recently, despite how much he supported her and cared for and comforted her. He had been a rock for her and she knew that, she was so so grateful for that. Grateful for him. She realized that she had to stop double guessing everything and not shy away. She had fought to keep their friendship unbothered by the favoritism complaint. She had let herself be vulnerable with him, because she trusted him. She had to stop letting these temporary moments of guilt cloud her. She was brave. She was fearless. She was in love.

Neil held her hand and gently rubbed his thumb at the back of her hand. In the moment he wasn't fazed that anyone would misread into it. His sole focus was Claire. The gentle circular patterns of his thumb on the back of her hand drove her into arousal. His presence, his touch, it turned her on so much.

She cleared her throat and said, "I uhh.. remember I told you I had a bad dream?"

Neil nodded in yes and in concern. Claire's eyes drifted to the tattoo sticking out of Neil's shirt towards his neck. She knew it was the tattoo of a stag. She had remembered when he answered Jenny, one of the conjoined twins, who inquired about what his tattoo was. Claire ached to see it, trace her fingers around it, kiss it. She let out a small sigh and continued. "So in the dream, there was an earthquake and you were injured in it." She took a gulp and mindfully left out the I love you part, "and you became septic and we couldn't save you. And.. you.. died"

Neil, confused but slightly amused tried to lighten the mood, "So you really want to get rid of me huh?"

Claire scoffed, she knew he was jokingly teasing her but his words increased the ache in her heart.

How could she tell him that a world without Neil Melendez, would be impossibly hard for her to live in. Even in her dreams.