Say Goodbye

And The Price That We Paid

The Drake Hotel
Chicago, Illinois
Saturday, September 14, 2003
(2:00 am)
********************

It had taken even more restraint to stop kissing Lindsey this time than it had the last few times.

It was late afternoon at the house where they had made Say You Will. The documentary camera crew had captured the conversation in which Lindsey had told Stevie how happy he was that they were able to work together so well, how great it was seeing John sober and healthy, how far they had all come separately and together, and he'd stopped there, saying he'd cry if he went any further.

Stevie knew he'd been wiping away tears when he turned around in his swivel chair at the controls to look away from her.

Ten minutes later, as Karen was packing up the car and wrangling the dogs to go home, Stevie had crept into the kitchen and towards the pantry door which was slightly ajar, and without saying a word, had pulled Lindsey into her arms. Her own tears instantly began to flow.

"You don't have to apologize to me or to anyone else, sweetheart," she said, not caring in that moment that he was somebody else's husband when she called him sweetheart. She'd been calling him that since before his wife was born. "We're all okay, and this is going to be amazing," she added, whispering her words into the crook of his neck as they clung to each other.

"I just don't want us to be back there ever again," Lindsey said, sniffling as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, his fingers tangled in her hair.

"Sssh...we won't be," she assured him. "We never will, I promise. But you don't have to try so hard, Linds. We all love you and we're happy and we're all so much better now."

"You know I love you," he whispered into her hair. "That's never going to stop, angel. I love you so much and I'm just so grateful we can be together like this...no matter what the reason...my God, Stevie, I could never stop loving you..."

The kissing began with her neck and not her lips. Lindsey's face was already buried there inside her hair, and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do, to brush his lips against her skin, to bring them along on a soft, damp trail as he heard a little moan of relief escape her as she tried unsuccessfully to stop crying. It was only when his mouth found hers that she did stop, kissing him back reflexively as their hands began to grope clumsily at each other, anywhere they could.

"Lindsey..." Stevie could barely croak out his name as he returned to her neck, the other side this time, and she didn't stop him; she was too busy thinking of the poems she'd been writing about how she knew this moment was coming, how it was inevitable after all the time they'd been spending together with her catalog of songs about him and their second failed attempt at love...

"You may have the question, but you'll never answer to me...You may have the goodness somewhere, but you'll never let me see...You may be the righteous one, but it won't be right for me...How it's lasted so long, it's a mystery to me..."

Lindsey was fumbling at the buttons of her white chiffon blouse when she finally stopped him, although pulling him from her flesh where his mouth was attached was murder. He made another attempt for her lips but she turned her head, and he began to cover her face with kisses.

"Stephanie...my God...I've missed you so much...my sweet girl...I need you..." He took her face in his hands and she gave in to one last kiss before she knew they had to stop.

"Linds...baby...no..." she managed, finally stopping him, her hands firmly planted on his shoulders. "Listen to me...it's not okay...it's too soon...you know what I'm talking about."