Toxic Love

What are we?

When death is described, it always mentions watching your life flash before your eyes. Time seems to slow to a crawl to leave you with these thoughts. I find it's more a retelling of all your regrets. That time I said this instead of that, or when I should have swallowed my pride and apologized to someone in my past.

One regret sits on the surface, though. In the pond of doubt, I have one waterlily bud that refuses to bloom. I regret never letting myself love.

I argue with myself if only I could have. I should have... would have. Though I know if I did it all over again, I still wouldn't. When I picture my funeral, I only see one man...im sorry...Hawks.

I close my eyes, ready for it.

The wind is knocked out of me, though death seems to be quite late. The first thought before I opened my eyes to see vibrant wings.

"Hawks???"

I can hardly hear from the wind. He is panting out of breath but flashes a smile before we slow and land. When he set me to my feet, I could hardly stand, sending me to the ground.

He huffed and puffed, gulping down air, "I don't think, think I've ever flown that damn fast." He wheezed

"How did you-?"

"I heard you scream for me," he coughed

I didn't think I had. Then again, I can't accurately say what happened in those short minutes that felt like an eternity, "What...what do we do now?" I mumble more to myself

"Well, very well, I don't have proof of the attack. Though I do have proof of other things, "

"Other things?"

"I've been doing a lot more digging. Your culture is different, but some things never change. "

"Ok, cough it up,"

"Someone has fingers where they shouldn't. Notably, his kingdoms finances"

"Blackmail?"

"And get twisted up in his shit show? No. If even I could figure it out, then he's bound to be discovered sooner or later. It's better to be the whistle blower. " Hawks straightened his outfit carefully, "In the meantime, he is under the assumption you are dead. Let's keep it that way in the meantime. Let him get comfortable. "

"Who are you?" I huff, looking at the man I THOUGHT I knew

"What did you think I did while you were off running a whole kingdom? Did I just laze about?"

"Well, I don't know," I huff

"Exactly. I spent my time reading. Not only that, but this event has been a goldmine of reputation."

"And what reputation are you building?"

"Not really your concern." Hawks casually picked me off of the ground, walking to where the carriage men rested

"I can walk myself,"

"You can do just about anything yourself. Ever think that maybe I'm doing something for myself?"

"Well..." That... that broke my brain a bit. What could he possibly get out of carrying me like this? There is no benefit to it...is there?

The statement kept me passified the walk there, though, as I found myself being helped into the carriage. The next thing I know away, we go back to my kingdom. Hawks on the other bench seeming to relax.

"I don't understand you." I mumble more to myself than him

"I don't understand every little thing you do either. Doesn't stop me from watching it, though. I may not understand, but I try my best to"