Violetgrass

Life is Precious

A/N: Just in case you've missed the warning, I'll say it again. The themes in this story include suicide and self-harm, so please read at your own discretion.

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Chaoxing stood near the edge of the cliff, the wind blowing gently behind her. The rocks below were jagged, the waves hitting them, wearing away the stone. Would it be easier to turn around and stare at the sky before tumbling over?

"Chaoxing!" Someone had come to crash her pity party. She turned around to see the Hero of Liyue, and her trusty emergency food... no wait, her friend. Right, her friend. The two of them ran over to her, more mindful of the cliff than she would ever be. Paimon was the first to speak. "What are you doing at the edge of a cliff? That's dangerous!"

"Yeah, I know," she said, deciding to not comment any further. "I assume you came to see me about something?" She wondered if they got a commission involving her or something. Why else would they know her name?

"I'm Lumine," said the Hero of Liyue, the Enemy of Eternity, etc, etc.

"And Paimon's Paimon!"

"I'm Chaoxing," she said with a nod. "But you already knew that."

"We were asked to give this to you!" said Paimon, as Lumine handed her a letter. She looked at the sender's address and grimaced. "Thank you then." She stepped forward, deciding she'd postpone her death for a little longer. There was no need to traumatize the kids.

"I hear bells whenever you walk," said Paimon, studying her like Chaoxing would study something on a lab table.

She lifted her skirts lightly, showing off the beads around her ankle. "Anklets." Paimon looked amazed, and Chaoxing caught her giving Lumine a quick glance, as if there were something she wanted to ask. Lumine pointedly ignored her. "I... could make you a pair, if you'd like," she blurted out. "You could get them from me later tonight."

"Really?" Paimon did a happy flip in the air, and Lumine just sighed.

"I apologize for the trouble."

"Not at all." She glanced at Paimon's feet. Small. Shouldn't take too long. She calculated. She'd finish them in an hour or two and leave it on the doorstep for them.

And that's exactly what she did. She didn't expect to wake up to the face of the most renowned doctor in Liyue Harbor the next morning. "I'm... still alive?"

"The poison hadn't stopped your heart yet," he said, his braid falling over his shoulder. "You gave Lumine and Paimon quite a scare though."

"Why... were they in my house?"

"Ask them yourself when you're fully awake." He placed a hand over her eyes, and she dozed off again.

When she woke up again, a crushing sense of dread settled over her heart, as though something had grabbed hold of it and was stomping on it over and over again. She gasped, clutching her hands to her throat.

"Isn't there something you can do, Baizhu?"

"I'm afraid illnesses of the mind can't be cured so easily."

The scars on her wrist seemed to stand out at his words.

Paimon floated into Chaoxing's field of view, the sound of bells gently following her. She smiled when she saw her wearing the anklets she'd made for Paimon—made as a final gift. "Paimon likes your anklets. Paimon really, really likes them. So please don't die!"

Chaoxing recalled leaving the letter she'd written for them on the doorstep. A letter to tell them thanks, that she hoped Paimon would like the anklets, that she hoped they fit.

She drifted off again, and when she woke up, she felt completely awake. Sitting up, she pulled her knees to her chest. Archons, she thought, she didn't have the money to pay for the expenses this should require.

"I'm not going to ask you for money." She looked around to see Baizhu. He sat down at the edge of the bed. At her shocked expression, he smiled. "It was written on your face." Chaoxing scowled. "That was too."

She looked at her bandaged wrist, wondering how he'd gotten rid of the poison. "I'm sorry for the trouble."

"Don't be. I would prefer it if you didn't cause any more though. How are you feeling?"

"Unfortunately, alive," she muttered.

"She's joking, right?" hissed Changsheng.

"Seems not. So she did try to kill herself. It seems it wasn't a spur of the moment decision after all." Feeling the snake's eyes on her, Chaoxing looked away, picking at the fabric of the blanket with her fingers. "Stay at the pharmacy for a while longer."

He stood up to leave and Changsheng murmured, "All my years of life, and I've seen people fighting to survive, and here's someone who wants to throw her life away!"

Chaoxing winced at her words.

"Changsheng, now is not the time." He turned back, a hand on the door. "Don't mind her. She's... a little moody at the moment."

"Who are you calling—"

They vanished past the door.

Chaoxing spent the next few days at his pharmacy, staying confined to the sick room. But there was one thing she noticed from eavesdropping. Baizhu rarely asked for compensation for his medicine or diagnoses, but if someone looked like they had plenty of mora to spare, he'd get a lot of money from him. People who seemed to be going through hell and high water were spared any of that trouble. It was a nice and effective way of doing things. It kept the pharmacy running and helped the needy.

He had a little child as an assistant—Qiqi. She was... a little terrifying for some reason. Adorable, yes, but also terrifying.

Lumine and Paimon visited the next day. "To what do I owe this honor, little heroes?" she asked.

"So you do know us!" said Paimon. "We were worried and wanted to check up on you."

"You'd be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn't heard of you. The story-tellers are already weaving their tales about you."

"Ugh. Paimon hopes they don't say anything bad."

"Regarding that, you have more to worry about than I do," interjected Lumine.

"Lumine, Paimon," said Baizhu, walking in. He looked distressed. "Good timing."

"Baizhu! Is something the matter?"

"Qiqi's gone missing, could you go and see if Director Hu kidnapped her again?"

"Again?" asked Lumine and Chaoxing together.

Baizhu's smile was terrifying. "I should get a lawyer on her case," he muttered to himself. "Qiqi is terrified of her, could you get her back?"

Lumine ran out of the room without another word, Paimon following hurriedly.

"She doesn't talk much, but she's rather sweet," said Chaoxing, looking at the door where they'd run out.

"That she is," said Baizhu, taking a seat beside her. He held out a cup and she took a moment to pray to every god whose name she knew. "Medicine. Drink it."

"Ugh." She took a sip and almost choked, but Baizhu had a look on his face that said he'd pour it down her throat if she didn't take it. Chaoxing held her breath and swallowed, her face souring.

"Good. How do you feel?"

"Fine," she said automatically.

"Lies," hissed Changsheng.

Chaoxing looked at her, knowing there was no words to explain the numbness, the lack of feeling, warmth, happiness. The emptiness pervading through every second of existing. She choked back her tears and they sat in silence for a while.

"I see," said Baizhu. "It's hard to explain." He ruffled her hair gently before he stood up. "Get some rest." A hand on her hair, she watched as he left. Chaoxing had missed the warmth of another person and hadn't even realized it. But when she lay down again, she knew she would pray to never wake up again. Just like she always does.

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