Violetgrass

Those Left Behind

Chaoxing had to send off Hu Tao the next morning, seeing as Baizhu was currently unable to. Hu Tao didn't seem very concerned, and was her usual cheerful self as she headed down. The moment she left, Qiqi popped up beside Chaoxing.

"You're back, where were you?" asked Chaoxing.

"Picking herbs." Qiqi held out three violet grasses to her. Chaoxing accepted, and Qiqi walked in.

Baizhu recovered in a few days. Chaoxing stepped outside to see Baizhu and Qiqi stretching together. Changsheng was curled around Qiqi's neck, counting with her. "One, two, three. One, two, three."

Baizhu was instructing Qiqi, and Chaoxing noticed that his hair was still loose. Chaoxing walked over to Qiqi's other side, and just copied what she did. Baizhu smiled. When Gui stepped outside, he did a double take. He shook his head and went back in, muttering under his breath. "Dear archons, there's three of them." Chaoxing burst out laughing.

Qiqi finished her morning stretches, and she headed in with Changsheng. Baizhu leaned over the railing, taking in deep breaths, and Chaoxing joined him. "Good to see you up and at them." She reached out to touch a butterfly that crossed the sky. The butterfly evaded her fingertips by a hair's breadth.

"Good to be back as well." Baizhu reached out to the butterfly as well, but it evaded him too. "When you're sick often, you learn to appreciate moments of good health."

Gui came outside again, Changsheng wrapped around his neck this time. He handed Baizhu a pair of chopsticks, and Baizhu put half his hair up, and was about to braid his hair, but Chaoxing stopped him.

"Can I?"

"Is there a reason?"

"Your hair is pretty."

He laughed, and folded his arms on top of the railing. "Go ahead then."

She took a hold of his silky hair, and ran her fingers through it before she braided them. Finished, she let it go.

"Thank you."

She shook her head, and hopped onto the railing. "Here's to another fine day of work."

Zhongli came by later that day, looking rather solemn. "Director Hu asked you to stop by the house tonight."

A look of understanding passed through Baizhu and Zhongli, and Chaoxing, who was sorting through the herbs at the time, looked between the two of them.

"I see, I'll be there." Baizhu paused. "May I ask what happened?"

Chaoxing had no idea what they were talking about.

"A suicide."

Chaoxing felt a pang in her heart, wondering what the person must've been through to have decided on that course of action. Baizhu glanced at Chaoxing, and she shook her head. "Wasn't me."

He pulled her cheek and smiled at her inappropriate sense of humor.

Zhongli and Baizhu sat outside on a bench together, and Chaoxing made some tea for the two of them. The whole pharmacy seemed to have darkened all of a sudden—or maybe it was her. Qiqi walked outside, Changsheng around her neck.

"Hey you two," said Chaoxing.

"Oh, he's here." Changsheng nodded to Zhongli.

"You don't like him?"

"Not at all. He's very knowledgable."

"Crying." Qiqi pointed to someone down the stairs. Chaoxing turned to have a look. He was a middle-aged man, wearing respectable clothing. And he was wiping his eyes. She couldn't see properly from this far away, but his eyes seemed to be red-rimmed.

"I wonder what happened," said Changsheng.

Chaoxing headed down the stairs, taking them three at a time.

"Chaoxing!" said Changsheng.

Chaoxing waved a hand to indicate she'd heard but was choosing to ignore her. Reaching the young man, she stood beside him, looking out into the lotus pools. "Mister, are you alright?"

He sniffed, wiping his eyes. "I...yes, I'm alright."

"You don't seem to be." Her voice was soft.

"My wife died earlier." He broke down. Chaoxing wondered what to do in this situation, and lightly berated herself for walking into it headfirst. "Suicide," he breathed out.

She froze. That must be who Zhongli and Baizhu had spoken of.

"I feel terrible. All these years I lived with her and I couldn't even save her." He started crying again, and Chaoxing simply stood by him, waiting. So this was the pain of love, the pain of being left behind.

"She suffered, and now she's better," said Chaoxing, looking at the sky and feeling like a child again.

The man nodded. "I just wanted more time with her. I took her for granted." He started talking about his love for his wife, how she'd wake him up every morning, how they'd make breakfast together, how she would hide flowers for him to find. She listened, thinking about what a happy couple they must've been. Happy couple or not, she must've had her own darkness haunting her. "Thanks for listening." The man offered her a smile before he walked away.

Chaoxing stood there for a while, her heart heavy.

"What was that?" Chaoxing turned to look at Qiqi and Changsheng. Changsheng looked worried—if it was even possible for a snake to look worried.

Chaoxing explained, growing quieter with each word.

"I see... and what do you think?"

"She wanted to die, so letting her die would be best, no? Isn't it selfish to want someone to stay alive when they want to die?" Chaoxing looked uncertain.

"Humans are selfish. It's one of their best traits," said Baizhu, walking up to her. Zhongli was nowhere to be seen. He seemed to have left. "We want what we can't have. We want more than we can tolerate. We want our loved ones to stay with us forever." He rested his chin on her head, and Chaoxing leaned back into him.

***

Chaoxing finally understood what they meant by house. It was a rundown shack somewhere north of the city. The moon hung in the sky, and its light and the stars were all to go by. Trees covered the shack, hiding it within the shadows. Baizhu stood with her, and Hu Tao had come, bearing her polearm. The young man she'd met in front of the pharmacy was there was well, eyes red and blotchy. If he was surprised to see her, he didn't show it.

Hu Tao performs rituals for the dead here periodically, for their spirits to settle in the afterlife. It seemed Bubu Pharmacy and Wangsheng Funeral Parlor had a business dealing this way.

Hu Tao set fire to the body, and the flames rose high in the sky. "I raise this butterfly to guide you." Her vision was shining, her voice soft.

Ashen butterflies took to the sky again, and soon, the fire was lost in them. Chaoxing eyed the man, a stranger to them, but the dearest to the dead. He stared at the fire, and then wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"I love you," he whispered.

Baizhu tucked an arm around Chaoxing's shoulder, staring at the fire. She wondered if he was imagining the same thing she was. 

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