See Dot Smile

The D.G.L.S.

"Okay guys," Kendall starts his pep talk. "Tom doesn't want us beating kids up over this, so keep it clean. Say what you need to say to get them to keep walking. If anyone is dumb enough to try to push through, I'll take care of it. Or Lilly will."

We all fall into line blocking the entrance to the path. Lilliana on the far end, then Kendall, Joshua, and me.

Normally, high school seniors wouldn't be caught dead at the Heffler's Farm corn maze on a Saturday night. But we're here on a special mission. Of love.

"Yeah, tween bitches, try me," Lilliana spits as a group of boys who look about twelve saunters by smelling like axe body spray and bubble gum. Whatever amount of cool they were feeling before they approached us evaporates. They pick up their pace and move on.

"Nice," Joshua says. "Should we all have our phones out and act grouchy and jaded while we stand here, too?"

"Totally," I say, pulling my phone from my back pocket.

Joshua: Is it me? Or is this the second most badass thing we've ever done together.

I smile at the subtle shout out to our naked pool adventure. And this is pretty badass.

Dot: What about when we stole communion bread and ate it in the choir closet during Sunday School?

Joshua: That bread was so stale I wanted to puke after. But totally worth it to hang out with you in the closet.

Dot: Interesting word choice considering what's happening behind us right now.

"FUCK!" Kendall bellows. "My fantasy team is totally tanking. That makes me so mad, I'm gonna beat the shit out of the next punk that even looks at me."

I glance up to watch a scared pair of boys scurry away.

Kendall laughs. "I don't have a fantasy team. But Lilly is kicking my ass in Words with Friends. Since when is chords a word?" He says chords with a soft ch.

"It's CHORDS!" Lilliana pronounces the word correctly, and with ample mockery. "You stupid ass," she cackles.

"Oh, fuck, you're right," Kendall says.

"Good thing you're hot and can throw things, or you'd be screwed."

"You think I'm hot?" Kendall flirts.

She rolls her eyes. "Shut up."

After about twenty minutes of terrorizing pre-teens, we start to see a rougher brand of clientele moving through the maze. Older kids with trouble in their eyes and backpacks that probably contain spray paint, raw eggs, or bags of dog shit.

"You don't want to go that way," I say to a scruffy teen with a half mustache who tries to walk past me.

"Why not?" He glares at me. "Is your mom fucking your cousin back there or what?"

Clever.

"It's a dead end and I just took a shit back there," Joshua says, coming to my rescue.

Lilliana snorts.

The mustachioed douchebag grimaces. "You're fucking sick, dude."

He moves on, making gagging noises.

"Nice save, Jameson." Kendall high fives Joshua.

The next group of monster sized children is less easily grossed out. I tell them there's a dead dog behind us being eaten by maggots and they decide that's "cool" and want to take pictures. They manage to push through the weak link between me and Joshua, and Kendall has to run back to head them off. He proceeds to moon them which terrifies the girls in the group enough to retreat and drag their greasy-haired male counterparts with them.