Noise Of Silence

- Chapter 8-

    

    He was still there, standing on the balcony, drinking whisky.

     He seemed sad and overburdened, with his eyes gazing off into the distance and tears of sorrow streaming in the dreadful silence.

        He noticed that I was standing there, so he stepped towards the wall that separates our balconies.

     “I am sorry. “ I whispered shyly. He shrugged, expressing indifference, and said, “It’s okay. I can understand your  enthusiasm  as a fan of mine.”

       I did not care much about what he said and let him think that I was one of his fans, though I was not. I apologized again. 

     
    “What are you apologizing for this time?“ He asked amazed.

     “For what happened to your brother? I am not as good at talking as Soo, but I felt her pain, I mean Rena’s pain. She suffered a lot. That was hard to  endure.”

     He looked down at the street and remained silent for moments. A tear fell from his eye when he said painfully, “They do not know that my young brother committed suicide. I mean my fans. The principal of my company gave orders to hide everything from the mass media and I was forced to sing at a party after hearing the news on the phone from my mother. “

     Silence spread its wings above us; I dismissed it saying, “That was another torment added to the first one. How could  you hold on?”

   “I got used to pretending that I am strong no matter what circumstances I am going through.” Replied D.O.

      “I remember that once, you acted warmly when one of your fans screamed crazily as she stood before you.  You plugged your ears with your fingers exposing a peaceful smile on your face.”

“I do not remember when that exactly happened, but that’s what I always do. By the way, you are a quick-witted girl. I always wander in Korea putting a hat on my head and a  mask on my mouth and no one recognizes me.” said D.O. smiling.
   
    “That’s because I draw, but don’t you want to know how did I get your email?”

  He shrugged his shoulders again. I noticed that he was getting drunk.
   
   “ Shin is the one who has been waiting for your messages, not me. Especially after you had promised to text him. “ He said confusing me.

         Shin? Who the hell is Shin? Was he the person who gave me that email written on that paper in my drawer? The guy with a small nose and wolf-like eyes! When did I meet him and where?.

       He scattered my features when he added without paying attention to the way he was scattering his words, “It has been a while, right? We did not meet since the signing ceremony was made for fans at the National Theater. We had a lot of fun!  We had a lot of fun!!!”

       I did not remember a single thing of what he was saying; however, that explained where I met Shin and how I got those signatures. What I could not comprehend was the fact that my brain stored all those events which had happened in a particular place and time and visualized to me that they had occurred in a different place and time.

       I said, pretending that I was fine even though I was certain that I had embarrassed myself that day, “ I took the paper from him  intending to tear or throw  it away the moment I got out, and I did throw it into my drawer, but I was not sure if it was still there, I cleaned my drawer several times and I have never noticed it.”
 
    “He did wait for your messages desperately.“ He said, smiling.

     His words shocked me. No one has ever waited for something from me, desperately. I thought that he was making fun of me.
“Really? “
   “Yeah.”
   " That person is so kind though he is a man. “
    “What do you mean? Aren’t men kind? “  He objected.

     There was trauma on his face. I made myself a fool again; I decided to keep my mouth closed since I did not come up with a terrific trick to rescue my pride. He looked at the bright sky with its stars and then said smiling, “Yeah, that’s right, he is kind. He has the spirit of an innocent child. He is not Korean by the way. He is Chinese.”
   He added while I stayed silent, “He is obsessed with drawing and he wants to learn from you.”

   “But I am not that professional. It’s just that I love drawing!”

    “However, he likes your drawings and he wants to learn from you. Why do you avoid him this way? Do you like me…and only me?”

         Again, I did not find a suitable reply to hide the blush crossing my face. My introverted character, which is unable to deal with human beings has humiliated me. Therefore my silence encouraged him to give me his friend’s email which has already been in my drawer.

     “I will text him soon,” I said

    “I’ll tell him that you badly wanted to get his e-mail. “

       His lymph personality defeated my introverted character easily; therefore I fled to my room.

    I turned on my laptop while wiping my nose which was flowing due to standing for a long time on the balcony. I linked my cell phone to the laptop, typed Shin’s email then sent him some pictures that I took a month ago to draw someday, and enclosed them with some words apologizing for being late.

      After that, I tried to sleep but I could not. I spent the rest of the night thinking about what was happing to me. When I was a child, I used to see nightmares visualizing people’s death before happened, but the events happening recently are beyond my mental capacities.

      I flipped in my bed a lot, and then I remembered that sad tear falling from D- O’s eye. He was struggling, rending, and suffering in silence. I wished I could comfort him again and again, If only I could tell him that he would skip it and everything is going to be fine.

      His features had scattered when he saw me standing on the balcony at 2 am.  He was about to scream painfully,  but he retreated, jailing the pain in his throat. It was so clear that he did not like the fact that I had heard his family fighting.