Dear Carter

1

Olivia

I heaved a sigh, getting up and walking to my bedroom door. I swung it open, being greeted with the face of my sister. A groan escaped my lips and I dragged my feet to my bed, sitting down. Damn, I know what this is about.

"Come on Olivia, we're going out today. You know the doctor says you need to go out and have fun." She said, walking to my closet, most likely to find a 'nice' outfit instead of what I would choose. She always says that my taste isn't up to date and that I need her fashion help.

"Andrea I don't want to go out. I want to watch Netflix. I'm fine, don't listen to the doctor. I'm not depressed, I'm fine." I lied, laying down. I'm not fine, but she can't know that.

Last week the doctor told my adoptive family I was still depressed. I've been on antidepressants for a year now, I stopped taking them last month, not that they know that. The pills only make me feel tired and unattached to the world. I already feel that way without them, so why take them?

"Get up and put this on. If you're not in the living room in 15 minutes I'll physically drag you out myself." She warned, walking to the door and opening it. "And don't think I wont," she then walked out, slamming the door shut.

I snorted, she couldn't even lift me if she tried. She's like a toothpick, a skinny gorgeous toothpick, but a toothpick. Nevertheless, I walked to my dresser where she put my clothes. I grabbed them and walked to the bathroom, changing. She picked me out leggings and an outer space sweatshirt. I smiled and pulled on a beanie to controll my messy hair. I slipped on my black convers and walked downstairs. I passed the family picture, not even looking at it. I already saw it plenty of times, enough to describe every single detail of it.

It was a picture of all of us at the beach. We were all wet and had messy hair, smiling widely at the camera and huddled up together. Me, Andrea, Ben, mom and dad. Not my real parents, my adoptive parents. I was adopted into the Russett family when I was 9, I'm now 16, the youngest of the family. Ben being 19 and Andrea being 17 almost 18.

"Finally, I was about to go get Ben to drag you down here. I honestly wouldn't even try, I already know I'm a weak potato." She chuckled shaking her head. I smiled at her, she could be funny when she wanted to be. I mean, she did have over a million followers on YouTube, and they can't all just like her for her looks. I walked outside and got in her car, strapping my seat belt on and stuffing my diary up my sleeve. I never go anywhere without it, it's like my safety net. We drove into the city passing stores and stores until we stopped in front of the outlet mall. I groaned and undid my seat belt, ready to get out as Andrea parked the car. When we got out the car, Andrea tossed me sunglasses while putting her own pair on.

"Sometimes I hate having a famous sister." I muttered, putting them on. We walked to one of the stores, going in and looking through clothes. It was a Disney inspired store, one of my favorites. I grinned at Andrea who winked at me. I looked through the pants, picking out some blue shorts and blue skinny jeans. I saw a really nice shirt that said 'chocolate is my middle name' it had a picture of the cookie monster eating a chocolate bar. I smiled, grabbing it and walking to the cashier.

"Just three?" She asked, ringing them up. She was about in her mid twenties. She was pretty, short curly blonde hair and brown eyes, with freakles framing her cheek bones. I envied her beauty and wished I was that pretty. "55.34" she said, bagging the clothes. I handed her the money and smiled, taking the bag and walking to Andrea.

"Thank God your done, I want to hit up Victoria Secret and then we can go to Starbucks." She linked arms with me as we walked out. I sighed looking down at the ground. I hated going to Victoria Secret, it just reminded me of everything I could never be.

Walking all the way to the other side of the mall was not fun. I am not in shape and I feel like im sweating bullets. Okay, a little over dramatic but hey, it is an outlet mall and its hot outside. When we were almost there I heard something drop. I frowned, turning around to look, but Andrea pulled my arm dragging me into the store. I was to caught up with the fact that their were so many girls in the store that I totally forgot about whatever fell on the ground back there. It wss probably someone dropping their wallet or something.

"Andrea you have 6 bags already. Can we just go now?" I wined, looking at the 6 bags she had. Okay, call me a baby but I want to leave. We've been here for 5 hours, literally.

I felt bad for being annoying, so I offered to buy her McDonalds, "I'll pay for your McDonald's if we can go." I pleaded, smiling lightly at her. She nodded and we left, making our way to the car.

"Did you have fun?" She asked as she drove to McDonald's. I glanced at her and nodded.

"Yeah, thanks. It was nice to go out." I was only semi-lying. I did enjoy myself but I would have rather stayed home. I always feel like im being judged when im around other people. I feel like im the ugliest one in the whole mall and everyone is laughing at me. All though nobody was actually laughing, they were probably laughing in their head.

**

After putting my clothes away, I sat on my bed and went to grab my journal.

"What the..." I muttered when I realized it wasn't there. I looked all around my room, but it was nowhere. I ran downstairs and out the door, going to Andrea's car and looking around.

Wait a minute.

The dropping noise. Oh my god, it was my journal. It fell. Its gone. Tears streamed down my face as I realized that I was most likely never seeing my journal again, but mostly because now whoever found it was going to read about my depression and my cuts and scars and my pills and everything. They're going to know every secret I've ever had.

My journal was gone, lost in the wind and never to return.

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AN: first chapter! How'd you like it? Please vote and comment! Thanks!