Dear Carter

•6

Dear Carter,

Its midnight, everyone's asleep except me.. I can't fall asleep, not when all these thoughts are circling around in my head. Why do I have to be the outsider of my family? I'm adopted, and Ben, my brother, never let's me forget it. Why do I have to be the worthless broken girl? The 'journal girl'? Why do I have to be the freak of school? Why do I have to be me? I try and try to ignore all the things they say to me, but I can't, because they're true. I'm ugly, fat, pathetic, a freak, a loser, a loner, worthless. I try to be happy, but I fail. I'm a failure. I wish I could be different, I wish I could be normal. No, I wish I was dead. I wish I could go and grab my razor and slit my wrists right now. Unfortunately I can't, im locked in my hospital room. Yeah, a hospital. I was in a car crash, nothing bad though just a broken finger. The bad thing is that they saw my scars, my cuts, everything. They want to put me on pills. Why must I be so worthless? I even have to have pills to remind me... I wish I was dead. There's no reason for me to be here anyway. I'm pathetically worthless. I wish I could float away like a leaf in the wind of a tornado.

-Olivia

I frowned and put the book up. I sat up and walked to my desk. I opened my laptop, going on Twitter and looking through the trendings.

"Oh fuck.." I whispered, looking at my laptop screen in horror.

NaughtyTay: why would Taylor mention the name 'Olivia' the same time the boys were talking about all this?

The hash tag #whoisOlivia was trending by all our fans and others. I groaned, going to the main page and preparing a tweet.

Carterreynols: guys, Olivia is just a name. We don't know who that is. Taylor is crazy, you know that.

I pressed tweet and logged off, shutting my laptop. Matt walked in with a bag of McDonalds.

"Here, we've all been working on the 'hope for us' we got O2L involved and others." He informed. I nodded and took the bag. We've been working on the program all day. The boys left to get food, but I stayed to read more of the book.

"How's the book, have you found anything out?" He asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

I nodded, grabbing my notebook. "Yeah her names Olivia she has long brown hair, brown eyes, and she's adopted with an adopted brother named Ben and sister named Andrea. I think she gets bullied in school too. And she has pills now." I muttered, putting a frie in my mouth, "oh and she's called 'Journal Girl' a lot."

Matt's head shot up, his eyebrows raised "I know that name from somewhere. I think Instagram..." He trailed off, grabbing his phone. He was about to do something when it rung.

He sighed, answering "hello... Really?... Damn it Taylor... Yeah I'll be their in a minute" he hung up, stuffing his phone in his pocket. "Sorry man I gotta go. Taylor kicked over a lamp and fell in the water fountain. I'll meet you later." He walked out, slamming the door.

I chuckled, shaking my head. Only Taylor's dumbass would do that. I sighed deeply, grabbing my phone and walking out the door. I walked over to Hayes room, opening the door and walking in.

"Wanna go to the arcade?" I asked, nudging Hayes. He looked up, a pickle hanging out of his mouth. Nash walked by, yanking it out and eating it.

"Gross man." I shuddered. He shrugged, sitting beside Hayes, "its my brother. We got the same saliva."

"Yeah. Let's go." Hayes said, getting away from Nash. I laughed, and fist bumped Nash before leaving with Hayes.