It's in Our Blood

Prologue I: I am Pregnant

16 years ago...

Carina found herself sat in her apartment in Italy, bouncing her leg as she impatiently waited for the second set of results. "Come on, come on". Finally, as she watched as the clock in front of her said 4:44, she took a breath. "It's now or never", she takes one more breath before she picked up the second pregnancy test, she took and looked down. Again, Positive. Shit.  Carina slid down the wall of the bathroom holding the test in her hand. Her mind began racing. She was only twenty-two. She was on track for med school. She had only been with Antonio for five months. Shit. Antonio. She was going to have to tell him that he was going to be a father. Would Antonio want to start a family with her? Were they ready to be parents? How was she going to tell him?

Focus Carina, Focus. There was nothing she could do right now, until she spoke to the father of her baby. It was Wednesday which meant it was date night. This week however, Carina had offered to cook so that they could have a relaxing night in. It was a good thing that they the plans were to stay in, she couldn't wait to tell him. Antonio deserved to know.

Cooking was something she loved, she grew up cooking with her mother and her grandmother. She found it to be calming, it allowed her to get creative and try new things. She decided to keep it simple tonight and decided to make minestrone soup for dinner. She moved from the kitchen to the dinning room table effortlessly as she began setting the table. Instinctively, she grabbed a bottle of wine and went to put it on the table until she froze. She turned to go back to the kitchen and then turned back to the table, trying to think of what to do. If she didn't put the wine on the table, would he know? How would he know by looking at the table, you are over thinking it put the wine back. He doesn't even drink wine. She put the wine back on the kitchen counter and went to her bedroom.

What kind of outfit does one wear to tell her short-term boyfriend they are expecting a baby. She thought to herself. Again, Carina you are over thinking it, it is a relaxed night in. She settled for a pair of jeans and a buttoned-down blouse. The bathroom was her next target, she brushed her teeth and fixed her hair. Once she was done, she looked at herself in the mirror as she pulled up her shirt. Her eyes remained on her stomach, and she turned to the side. She wasn't showing but she couldn't help but imagine what she would look like. The doorbell soon brought her out of her thoughts. She quickly straightened her shirt out and ran her fingers through her hair once more before going to the door.

She took a deep breath as her hand rested on the doorknob and opened it. "Antonio, hi." She smiled widely at the sight of him moving to the side so he could enter.

"Good evening" He reciprocated the smile and entered the foyer. "These are for you" he said as he brought forward flowers that were hidden behind his back.

"Thank you honey" she said as she took the flowers and inched closer to him, before putting her hand on his cheek and pulling him in for a lingering kiss. "How was your day" she said once she pulled away and they began walking toward the kitchen. She put the flowers along with some water in a vase and setting it on the table. Anxiously moving around the apartment, she placed a plate of antipasto on the table and then dished up the soup.

"Not bad, a bunch of meetings." Antonio was twenty-six years old and an engineer. Carina watched him as he moved to the fridge to get himself a beer from the fridge. She usually had his beer of choice, Peroni stocked for when he was over.

They both walked over to the table and took a seat before Antonio spoke up, "Are you feeling any better today?"

Besides your child making my stomach do summersaults, "I am starting to feel better." She said with a tightlipped smile. The two of them continued to eat and make small talk, about their busy schedules lately and their families. Especially Carina filling him in on her father's latest antics. Shit. Papa. He is going to flip. Not now Carina focus. She nodded her head to some story he was sharing in regard to his work, as she took a sip of her sparkling water and Antonio followed suit with his beer. She couldn't wait anymore; how did she even get this far. She decided to take the opportunity of the silence.

"I'm pregnant." She blurted out as Antonio choked on his drink and then let out a cough. "That's why I've been sick. I'm pregnant." She repeated as if she was trying to convince herself as well that this was real.

"And its mine?" he said looking like a deer in headlights.

Is he an Idiot? "What do you mean, 'and its mine?' obviously it's yours." She said bluntly.

"I'm sorry that's not what I meant; I was just shocked that's all." He put his beer down and reached for her hand. "We certainly cannot have a child right now. I am working toward this promotion, and I don't have time to... to focus on anything else." Confirmed, he is an idiot. He even thought it himself as he facepalmed once the sentence escaped his lips. "It's just...I mean you're 22, you're studying medicine. This can't be what you want, to be a mother."

A mother. She would be a mother. That was terrifying to her, but it felt...it felt right. The next words out of her mouth shocked both of them:

"I want to be a mother. I want this baby." As scared as she was and how irresponsible this might look to an outsider, but she hoped that Antonio wanted the same thing. Their baby.

"Carina, you need to think logically here" his voice raised, and he dropped his glass on the table as he stood up and walked into the kitchen with his plate in hand. "We are in no position to be parents, you are in university, a long road ahead studying medicine. We have only been together five months; we don't even live under the same roof. A baby costs money, a lot of money." He finished his argument at the moment as he put his plate in the sink.

"Most people are never ready, babies never come at the right time. When people least expect it. There will always be something that gets in the way, but we are paving our future. We can and will get there... we could have a child. Our child." Carina said as she followed suit.

Antonio turned around and looked at her "What aren't you understanding here? I clearly do not want this child and I firmly believe we should get an abortion."

"First off..." she raised her voice "We wouldn't be getting an abortion it would be me, I would be going through the emotional and physical process of the procedure. Clearly from your point of view this will not be physically or as emotionally damaging to YOU. But for me, it will be from both aspects. Since you clearly aren't understanding that I do not want to have an abortion, I want this child. I plan on having it with or without you." She huffed out.

"I just do not understand how you plan on giving this child a good home, as a single mother and still in medical school. You may have gotten a full ride, but the job is demanding. It's going to be hard, and the odds are simply stacked against you right now." Antonio said quietly as if he knew these words were risky. "You won't be able to handle it alone."

"Get out." Carina said bluntly as she moved toward the foyer and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack and threw it at his direction. "You clearly know nothing about me, and Nothing in life is easy, we made a choice, and this is a consequence to our action. A consequence that I am happy to live with. I am going to love this child and do whatever I have to do to give them a good home. A choice now that doesn't concern you. You made up your mind, you will not be involved in this child's life, nor will you hear from me. So, I am going to tell you again, Get the fuck out." Carina said with her voice raised yet again, eyes watering again from frustration. She took the final strides to the front door and opened it as she waited for him to exit.

"Well good luck then." He said with a hint of condescending in his voice.

Carina slammed the door and let out a scream. As she walked to the kitchen throwing the remaining dishes in the sink. Which would now be a tomorrow problem. What did I just do? Is he right? Can I not handle being a mother? I want to be a mother. Would medical school really take away my time with this baby and neglect them? I don't want it to. Her mind was racing. Every negative thought that Antonio put in her head, the voices of her own flew in and out.

One thing was for certain, for every negative thought came with a rebuttal, a rebuttal that made her want to experience motherhood.

Carina went into her bathroom, took a shower, brushed her teeth, and found herself in bed earlier than usual. "It looks like it's just me and you, my baby". Carina said with her first sincere smile and feeling at piece this whole evening. This was not how she planned to start her journey as a mother, but she wanted to be a mama.