It's in Our Blood

Chapter 1

Present Day...

Giovanna's POV

It has been five-years since Mama and I moved to the states, and honestly it was one of the best decisions ever. I could see the happiness that stemmed from my mother ever since we lived near Zio Andrea. Although a little over a year ago, he began to show signs of bipolar disorder just like my Nonno; and I watched it consume my Mama. She tried to be strong in front of me, but I could tell it was taking a toll on her. I would hear her cry at night, talking to Zia Gabriella and to me it was noticeable that she wasn't her normal self, especially with me. I didn't want to bring it up though because I felt like that would add to her stress, so instead I avoided getting into much trouble and made sure I didn't demand too much from her. I helped more around the house and tried to make things easier for my mother in efforts for her to also focus on herself.

Mama kept her promise and made sure I was taking additional art classes outside of school. I learned so many different and new techniques during those courses. Shortly after those classes I also gained an interest in photography. I loved creating art and being able to capture the art of nature and people.

My summer vacation is finally up, and I am starting my first day of high school soon. I am excited to start a new chapter in my life. My best friend Emma and I made the varsity soccer, and we were excited. Emma was excited to meet new people, especially people that we would be seeing around the halls. As for me, I was excited to play the sport. I had always been an active child; mama would always tell me I would be running all over the place. Also, I wasn't really a fan of curriculum but then again who is. I am however a perfectionist, so as much as I hate it, if I get anything below an A I will freak out.

It was Saturday morning, and I had the house to myself. My mom was at work and would be home around dinner time. I was in the office standing on a huge white sheet sprawled over the floor, as I stood in front of my easel painting. When we moved Mama wanted an office since she decided to focus more on her research. She decided to also make it an area for me to work on my art. She thought it would be nice for us to both be able to do what we loved together. It was definitely something that I would look forward to, that we both looked forward to. The painting I was currently working on was an acrylic painting of a butterfly garden. My hair was thrown up in a messy bun and I had paint basically all over my body. I had some music playing on the record player that was on a shelf in the room as I continued to paint.

I was almost finished, I had two butterflies left to paint; I coated my paint brush with the lighter orange on the pallet and went to work on one of the butterflies. As soon as I stepped back to look at it, I realized I had used the wrong shade for the specific one. "God dammit!" I then took black paint and scribbled over the canvas before throwing it face up on the ground. It had to be perfect, and I kept fucking it up.

"Giovanna?" I jumped slightly at my mom's voice coming from the doorway to the office. What was she doing home so early? "Mi dispace (I'm sorry), I didn't mean to scare you... I've been calling for you."

"No no, it's okay, what are you doing here?" I said as I looked to her trying as I put my pallet down on the table and my brushes in the cup of water to soak.

"Well, last I checked, I do live here." She joked back.

"I am aware. I meant why are you home so early, I thought you were working today?" I replied.

She took a look at the ground, and I could see a look of concern grow on her face. "Gia, how long have you been in here." I took a step back and looked down at my feet as my eyes widened and I noticed there were six rather large canvas', each one was nearly done I realized it was no longer morning.

"I... Not long. I actually just got back in here from having a snack." I said still looking down, acting busy by compiling the canvas' together. "I should go get cleaned up." I finally looked at my mom who was standing there still having a look of concern and I motioned to my clothes and body which were covered in paint. I mentioned as I walked past her and went to my room. I looked at my phone and saw it was 7:00pm. I had been in the office since 9:00am.

I was so frustrated with myself; I was in that room for 10 hours and I couldn't get one painting finished. It took me 6 attempts and not one stuck. I threw my clothes into the hamper, walking past the many other canvas' that were failed attempts from previous days. Nothing I attempted to paint was working, the one thing I loved and gave me peace was no longer peaceful. I kicked them over and let out a quiet scream of anger as my eyes began to water out of frustration with myself.

Once I was done, I put on an oversized navy colored crewneck and a pair of white pajama shorts and headed to the kitchen. I heard my mom talking on the phone softly, so I stayed at the top of the stairs trying to hear what she was saying.

"I'm positive she was in the office painting all day without leaving the room once, she thought I was home early. Six canvas Gabri and they were the big ones, all of them basically finished...I am just saying I am worried about her." My mom said softly to her.

I have been trying so hard to avoid this and it was coming crumbling down. I am the person she shouldn't have to be worrying about. I'm supposed to be the one that allows her to finally put herself first. I began to pick at my cuticles before resuming my journey back downstairs. I knew my mom began to hear me coming down the stairs because she quickly ended the phone call, and her phone was on the counter by the time I was in the kitchen.

"There you are" she said with a smile... "I heated up the leftovers from last night... Let's sit and eat." I gave her a look that I wasn't hungry, and she shook her head. "None of that, we are eating together." I nodded in defeat sat at the table and began eating, taking my time playing with the food on my plate. I felt her eyes on me as if she was trying to get inside my brain and figure out what was going on in there.

"Any babies today?" I loved hearing about my mom's job. It's something she took pride in, her passion and I wanted to be her biggest supporter.

"Two healthy babies, one boy and one girl. Both were C-section." She said with a smile as she continued to tell me about her day. "Are you excited for school bambina?"

"I mean, the school part not so much. On the other hand, soccer and seeing my friends are a positive." I said as my mom nodded with a smile, I continued to tell her about the soccer team and the girls that I had already met. Once we finished eating, I cleared the table and put the plates in the dishwasher.

---

It was now around 10:30pm, I was so tired from today. The lack of eating and drinking, and the anger I experienced after each mistake, it was all draining. But here I was pacing the length of my room back and forth. I was a failure, I couldn't even master one painting today and seeing the look of concern on my mother's face just proved that I was.

Somehow the pacing I was doing in my room, eventually led me to the doorway of my mom's room. Her door was slightly open with her bedside lamp on. I knocked on the door softly before opening the door. "Mama?" I said softly as I looked over to her, she was sitting with her computer on her lap and a few notebooks next to her.

"Ciao Bambina." She looked up from her computer and gave me a soft smile as she patted the empty space in her bed. As I walked over to the bed, she shut her computer and put her things on her nightstand. As I lifted the covers, she extended her arms out. I nuzzled my way into her arms as she moved down in the bed. "Va tutto bene (Is everything okay)?" She asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"Si. Sono solo stanco (Yes. I am tired)." I said as I wrapped my arm around her waist and snuggled closer on her chest. I often ended up in my mom's bed at night, after a long day we would both lay down together and talk about life, or watch a movie. 

She reached over and turned the lamp off before bringing me back into her arms, kissing the top of my head. "Dormi amore mio. Ti ho preso (sleep my love. I've got you)." Soon I felt myself drifting off to sleep, I always felt safer with my mom, a sense of peace.