Knife

xxvi

Abo ang kulay na bumalot sa kalangitan nang maghiwalay kami ng landas ni Sylvia. Hindi pa kasi ako uuwi dahil dadaan pa ako sa Circe's Cove upang kamustahin si Gio.

I should have postponed that. Now, I'm stuck here, under the crescendo of rainfall. Great.

Niyakap ko ang sariling braso at tumingin sa paligid. Madilim na, ang streetlights unti unting sumisindi. Mabilis na nagsisipasukan ang mga tao sa establishimento na malapit.

I contemplated going in too but thought against it in the end. Baka hindi pa lumakas ang ulan, aabot pa ako sa Circe's Cove. Tumingin ako sa highway, ang mata naghahanap ng maaaring masakyan. I won't make it. Any second now, the rain is gonna slam down on me. Wala pa naman akong payong.

Napatalon ako nang makarinig ng malakas na busina mula sa likod ko. "Fuck!"

Lumingon ako sa bumusina. My mind blanked when I saw Russell behind me, in a car.

He's here!

Umiling ako at lumunok. I should not be glad that he's here. I am trying to rid him from my head. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko at nakangiting tumango sa kaniya. Sa kanila.

Tricia was with him.

"Pare!" Bati ko. He blankly stared at me and placed his car beside my spot. My heart raced.

Binaba ni Tricia ang bintana at napipilitang ngumiti sa akin. "Hello, Trent. Where are you going?"

My eyes couldn't leave Russell. He was looking away, his jaw visibly clenched, his fingers tapping on the wheel. Why is he here anyway? Shouldn't he be avoiding me too?

"Trent!" Tricia blocked my sight of Russell and raised a brow. "Are you okay? I said where are you going?"

"Bakit?"

"Russell thought it'd be a good idea to give you a ride before we have our date at Circe's Cove." Ngumiti siya nang banggitin ang salitang date.

My mouth soured, throat irrationally constricting. Ngumiti ako. "Sa Circe's Cove din ako. Kakamustahin ko lang si Gio."

"Oh? Okay, get in." Tinuro niya ang likod. "The rain is getting malakas na."

Sumulyap ako kay Russell bago ko hinigit pabukas ang pinto sa likod. His eyes briefly met mine in the rearview but he eventually sighed and boredly drove away.

Tumikhim ako at ngumiti. "Bagong sasakyan, Russell?"

He didn't respond. Instead, he turned right and lazily leaned his back on his seat. Lumingon sa akin si Tricia, ang kaniyang ngiti, malawak.

"Yes! He finally bought a new car! His old car was kinda worn down and ugly." She grinned at Russell, who didn't spare her a glance. "So he bought a new one! Sinama niya pa nga ako, dahil ako ang gusto niyang pumili ng model."

"That's not..." Umiling si Russell.

I blankly stared at her smiling face and took the deepest, quietest breath I could muster.

Russell seems to be... moving on. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong sumaya o malungkot. A part of me wailed in agony, cursing the idea of him with another person. Another part of me sat quietly, resigned, wanting to cry in pain but masking it with indifference.

"Mabuti naman at nagkakamabutihan na kayo ng kaibigan ko." I forced a smile and looked out the window.

Kaibigan. The only thing people will think of us, the only thing people will expect of us. To be friends. It wasn't long ago that I was ready to introduce him to the world as my lover. How would things have worked out had Lorna not come along?