The Difference

Chapter 21

              Zayn Princeford – Monte Carlo – At Home.

I want to die inside. I just lost both my best friend and the girl I love because of my stupidity. Truth be told I brought this upon myself.

“Wny do you look like shit?” I turned to see my mum standing in the doorway of my room.

“Mum, please come and sit.” I said patting the bed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked when she sat down.

“I need to tell you something. You’re probably gonna get mad at me but I deserve it.” I inhaled. I continued, “You know the Walliams right?”

“Of course. Who doesn’t know the Walliams? Why, what’s up with them?”

“Well I’m friends with their last born, Andy.”

“The drug dealer?” her eyes widened in shock.

“Yes, that one. I was dealing with drugs, mum.”

“What?!” My mum practically screamed.

“Mum, I’m sorry but that’s not all.”

“There’s more?”

“We used to have sex with each other.”

“Are you gay?”

“No I’m not. It was something we used to do when we were high and about to do something dangerous.”

“Something dangerous like what?”

“Like the incident at Farmer Baker’s .”

“Oh my God! My son what have you turned into?”

“Ma, I’m sorry.” I started crying. I’d realized what we’d done was wrong and it had hurt people.

“Are you still friends with him?”

“No. His father made sure of that. I’m not to see him or Shirley again.”

“Shirley?” she asked with a raised brow.

“Shirley Walliams. The one before Andy.”

“What has she got to do with this?”

“I’m in love with her, mum.” I confessed.

“Wow. Does she know?”

“She probably feels the same way but we can’t be together because of my stupidity.” I broke down again. The last time I cried this much was when we found out we lost everything to our dad and my aunt.

“Oh dear,” mum pulled me into her bossom. “It’s okay.”

“Ma, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Oh honey. There’s nothing to forgive. You just have to be a better person.”

“Yes ma.”

“You need to get some rest. Have you eaten?” I realized I was hungry.

“No, ma.”

“Alright, I’m going to heat the soup from yesterday. Go take your bath. When you’re done eating, you get some rest, okay?” she said.

“Okay.” She kissed my forehead and left the room. I undressed and walked into the bathroom. It was cracked in many places. It was a very old place. We’ve been staying here for almost twenty years now. My mum and dad moved here when she was pregnant with me. I grew up with both parents around but when I turned sixteen I found out my dad was cheating on my mum with her sister. Her younger sister. I really was angry and surprised when I found out. I found out through my cousin. My aunt’s son. I never really liked him. He’s twenty two. So at that time he was eighteen. He once came home unexpectedly, entered his mum’s room only to find her naked in bed with my dad. He practically screamed. They were surprised to see him at home at that time since school was still in session. According to him, he’d told his mum the previous night that the Principal had told them there was going to be a head of teachers meeting for almost half of the day so they’d close school earlier than usual but it seemed his mum hadn’t been listening. He was so annoyed that he burst out of the house and rode his bike to our house. He entered without knocking. I was in the hall watching TV.

“What the hell?” I asked and jumped out of the sofa.

“Hey Zayn. You know where your dad’s at?” 

“At work, why?”

“Well he isn’t. He’s in bed with my mum.”

“What kind of joke is this, Isaac?” I asked angrily.

“You think I’m joking. How about you follow me?” I didn’t want to because I didn’t believe him and two my mum was asleep in her room. I didn’t want to leave her alone. On second thoughts though, I decided to go just for the benefit of doubt. I also had a bike at the time so I rode along side with him to his house. When I got there, what I saw shocked me. My dad was entering his car and my aunt was standing in the doorway.

“Dad,” I said as I got down from my bike. He turned to look at me.

“Zayn? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” he asked in a calm voice.

“Aren’t you also supposed to be at work?” I asked.

“Zayn, son I can explain.”

“You don’t need to explain anything. I already know what’s going on just from what I’ve seen and what Isaac has told me. Wait till mum hears about this. I’m not going to tell her. I leave that to you.” Turning to Aunt Maura I said, “How could you? Your own sister. You should be ashamed of yourself.” With that I hopped unto my bike and rode back home. That was the beginning of our problems.

I stepped into the bathtub. I turned on the hot water. I stepped into the water. It massaged my body, releasing my tight muscles. I felt relaxed. I, for that moment, forgot everything that had happened today. When I felt alright, I stepped out of the bathtub, I used my towel to wipe myself. I went back to my room. I powdered myself and wore my p.j. I was just about to lie on the bed when my mum entered with a tray 

“Hey,” I said relaxing against the head board of the bed. She set the tray on me. It did contain a bowl of the previous day’s soup.

“Smells good,” I said.

“Same thing you said yesterday.” She said teasingly.

“Because it’s the truth.” I took time to take in the soup as it was hot.

“So how’s school?” she wanted to start a conversation with me. I turned to look at her. She was aging too fast. For someone who was only forty she looked well into her sixties.

“School’s okay.” I said.

“Still hiding in your shell? Not making friends?” she knew me too well.

“Mum, you know making friends isn’t something I can do. It’s too much work.”

“You’re using that as an excuse when we both know the real reason why.”

“And what would that reason be?” I asked even though I knew what it was.

“Honey, your dad was your best friend but everything changed when he cheated and you felt betrayed. You have decided not to trust anyone again. You feel you’d get hurt again.”

“Oh mum, you know me so well.” I told her.

“Zayn, you need to make friends. I won’t always be here for you. Even if I could you still have to make friends with people your age.” She advised.

“I’ll try.” I said more to myself than her. I was almost done with the soup but sleep was taking over me so I told her. She took the tray, kissed me on the forehead, leaving me to cry myself to sleep.