dear jack • jack hughes

007

DEAR JACK
Jack's Point of View
📍Newark, New Jersey
October 2021

It's been a couple of days since Luke told Quinn and I about Lia. I grab the mail out of my mailbox before heading to my door. I sift through it as I'm walking to my door.

I know that handwriting anywhere. And the name in the top left corner only confirms who it is.

I unlock my door, kick off my shoes, and sit down on my couch. It's a letter from Lia. I haven't talked to her yet, although I've written 10 messages in my notes app and have yet to press send on any one of them.

Dear Jack,

It's been a while. I'm writing this because I have a lot of things I want to say to you, and you in particular. I know you'll be in Michigan this weekend and I want you to know all of these things before you get here.

I'm hurt, and I'm admitting that. You, Luke, and Quinn walked out of my life exactly like my parents did. And honestly, it hurt worse. I thought you three would always be there for me, and you weren't.

I pondered for years wondering what I did to drive you all away. Why I wasn't good enough for you to stick around. I want to know why you outgrew me.

Maybe it was bound to happen, and I was too naive to see it then, but now I do. If you were going to leave me life when you went to New Jersey, if that was your grand plan or something, you didn't even tell me. I deserved an answer.

Sound familiar?

Quinn was like my older brother, and Luke was my best friend. You? I don't even have to say it and you know what you were to me. And it's actually really fucked up that you knew how I felt about you and left my life anyway.

When you get here, and we all have this talk, I want real answer. Brutally fucking honest answers. Because I know I can take it, I've gone through enough to know life is harsh.

But the part I won't be able to handle is if I can't forgive you, I'll have to deal with the heartbreak of knowing things will never be how they were before. Things will never been like I wanted them to be.

Do you even remember any of the moments from our childhood? Because I remember you would talk about how you and your brothers would play on the same NHL team when you all got drafted. Now you get to.

I remember when you took care of my when I scraped my knee. Or when you took me to prom because no one asked me.

Do they mean anything to you? Or did you push them out of your head when you got drafted.

I hate to say it, but you changed, Jack. You changed and you left. You hurt me in a way I didn't think I could ever be hurt. You hurt me in a way Luke and Quinn didn't, in a way even my parents didn't.

And the worst part is, I don't hate you. I still fucking love you so much and I hate myself for that. I should let go, but I can't fucking do it.

I don't know what this is, and if you somehow end up reading this, that means I actually sent it to you. But this is because I never got the chance to say these things, and I'm saying them now.

- Liana Logan

Fuck.

Okay, well... this is a lot to process. Let's start from the beginning, I guess.

I don't really know how I'm feeling except for disappointment. I'm disappointed in myself for doing exactly what her parents did to her when she was 10. And the fact that us leaving her hurt worse.... it only makes me feel worse about what I did.

And.. the fact that I made her feel like she wasn't good enough, that I made her feel like she drives us away, that she feels like she outgrew us, makes me feel shitty as hell. And honestly, I deserve to feel like this. I hurt her.

She feels like I did exactly what her parents did to her. I watched her go through all of that, and she thinks I would do that to her?

If I thought all of that was bad, what she said next was just twisting the knife. We both knew we had a different relationship than she did with my brothers. I don't know what it was.. it's not like we ever done anything about our feelings, but we both knew they were there. And I'm so dumb for not doing anything about it.

I hope she forgives us, I really hope she does. Because I want her in my life whether she believes is or not.

And I remember every single moment with her from our childhood. I have a whole part of my brain blocked of for her.

And I asked her to prom because I actually wanted to go with her, not because no one else asked her. That was the best night of my life. Ever better than draft night.

I hurt her in a way my brothers didn't, and I really need to get my shit together. Because what if she forgives them but not me?

I re-read the letter and my lungs stop working.

I fucking love you so much.

If only she knew how I felt about her. But this talk isn't the time for that. This is for us to fix what we did to her, and if some miracle happens and she forgives us, then I'll work on making her mine.

Because Lord knows I've always been hers.

Every game, even though the chance of her being there is absolutely none, I always look for her in the crowd. When someone asks what my motivation is, I pull something out of my ass when the real answer is her.

She knew being in the NHL was my dream, and I can't fail her on that. I've failed her in so many ways and I'll be damned if I do it one more time.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

this chapter has nothing to do with the song i am about to sing, but the title does

DEEEAAARR JOHNNNN I SEE IT ALL NOW THAT YOURE GONNEEEE DONT YOU THINK I WAS TOO YOUNG TO BE MESSED WITH THE GIRL IN THE DRESS CRIED THE WHOLE. WAY. HOMMMEEEE. I SHOULDVE KNOWN.