THE TALK
Jack's Point of View
📍Ann Harbor, Michigan
October 2021
I walk into Lia's dorm room following Luke and Quinn. She has a Taylor Swift poster on her side, and subtle hints about her around her side of the room, too.
If I didn't go into a deep dive of why she hates Jake Gyllenhaal which lead me to dissect Taylor's entire discography, I wouldn't have noticed the little paint that states, Once was poison ivy but now I'm your daisy in the folklore lettering style with little daisies all around it.
Her roommate, coincidentally named Taylor, is hanging out with her boyfriend and Luke's teammate, Ethan right now or else she would be here.
Lia sits with one leg under her up on her bed while the other leg hangs off of it. I pull out the chair on her desk and sit in that, facing her diagonally. I'm far enough away that when she speaks, I'll still be able to breathe.
Quinn sits on this little storage bin that looks like a little chair. Luke sits on the edge of Taylor's bed. This is weird, we haven't all been in the same room is ages. And the last time we were, things were so different, so simple.
"Did you get the letter?" She speaks quietly. Her hands are in her lap. She's pressing her thumb to each finger over and over again, she's counting. Without saying a name directly, or even looking at me, I know she's talking to me.
"Yeah." Is all I say. I've re-read that letter every day since I received it. Especially the part that states I fucking still love you.
"I'm going to get a lot of things off my chest right now, then you can.. say whatever." She says. She's moved from counting with one hand to the other.
"I'm gonna start by saying... no matter what reason you all give me, I did not deserve that. And.. I get that you all have bigger things to deal with than include the annoying next door neighbor, but you promised." She looks up at Quinn.
She's not the annoying next door neighbor. She's Quinn's little sister, Luke's best friend, and the only person I've ever loved, actually fuck past tense.
"You promised that we would never be strangers, and.. yet look what happened. I mostly blame myself." She looks up at the roof and takes a shaky breath. Her next words come out shaky.
"I can't believe I was stupid enough to.." Oh, fuck. I don't like where this is going at all. I feel that lump in my throat.
"To believe that I was good enough for you to stick around."
Luke opens his mouth to say something, but Quinn looks at him and shakes his head. "I just, I want to know why- how I drove you away."
I can't believe she went all these years thinking she did something wrong.
She looks up, not at one of us specifically, but we know she's asking us a question. I can't answer it, because I don't have enough faith in my voice to actually say anything.
Luke answers. "You didn't do anything wrong, Lia. None of this your fault. I'm really, really, sorry that you've felt like it was all these years. You didn't deserve to be shitted on like your parents did to you."
"You didn't drive us away, Lia. I just- I'm going to be honest, I never knew why you hung out with us in the first place. And... when you went to college, I thought you didn't need me anymore. I thought you didn't need a big brother anymore, so I thought you wanted me to let you go." Quinn, who never ever shows much emotion, let's it slip through the cracks right now. I can't tell if it's intentional or not.
"I know what happens to hockey players' friends that are girls... they get dragged, Lia. And.. I didn't want to put you through that." Luke states. My reason sounds like shit compared to theirs.
Quinn, Luke, and Lia all look towards and me and suddenly the lump in my throat only grows larger and my hands begin to shake.
I put them in my hoodie pocket, but I know Lia saw it. This isn't about me is what I want to say. But I have to grow the fuck up and tell her the real reason why I did what I did.
"I was scared." That was an answer she didn't expect. "I am scared of how I feel about you because.. I've never felt this way about anything in my entire life." It feels like we're the only people in this room, on this fucking campus actually.
"I... I remember everything we did together when we were kids. When we danced together from across houses, when I asked you to prom, and it was because I genuinely wanted to go not because no one else asked you yet, when we stayed up late watching playoff games, I remember it all." I say. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Quinn and Luke leave the room, they know this is something that is between us but my eyes don't leave hers not even for a second.
"I love you, Liana Logan." That feels really good to say. Her eyes change, in a way I can't dissect right now because I'm too focused on confessing my unconditional love for the girl I've known since I was twelve.
"I've loved you since the first time you walked into my backyard and wondered whether you were left or right handed. I watched you to the little trick to yourself while you tried not to make it noticeable." Tears spill from her eyes, and I feel mine about to do the same.
"I love you." I need to say it over and over and over again. "And on draft night, when I wanted to say something, that was what I was going to say. And, I've kicked myself every day since then because I didn't say it. But I do, I love you."
"I've loved you since that day you were blasting 22 in your room because your parents were arguing. You were frustrated it wasn't working, and I distracted you by dancing along to it with you." I say. I debate saying the next part, but go big or go home.
"I've listened to 22 every single day since then. I started listening to Taylor's Version when it came out because fuck Scooter Braun." I say.
"You know about that?"
"I've dissected that woman's entire discography because you love her music, Lia." I state.
"I've loved the since the day I accidentally spilled spaghetti sauce on your shoes and you had to throw them away. And you weren't even mad." I recall. "No, you said-"
"No worries, I've been wanting to get rid of these shoes for a while." She says what she said all those years ago.
"Because you outgrew them." I say. "But, the thing is.. I never outgrew you."
"A-and I don't really know what'll happen tomorrow or whenever I walk out that door. But what I do know is that, I'm not going to lose you again. I know that it'll be stupid of you to think that I'll ever let you go again like I did."
She stands up from her bed, and I think she's about to tell me to leave, so I stand up too. But instead, she wraps her arms around my torso.
I didn't know she was going to do that, so I take a few steps back from impact, but she doesn't let go. That's when I wrap my arms around her shoulders.
This, me holding her, is like the cleanest breath of fresh air I've ever taken.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! i'm pretty sure no one reading this is a mom... but ya know
also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK!! i hope someone plays him 22 taylor's version
YOU ARE READING
dear jack • jack hughes
Fanfiction"We don't talk much but I just gotta say, I miss you and I hope that you're okay."
