Empty ---- Suicidal Todoroki x ED Bakugo ---- [BOOK 3]

5 - Avoidance

Katsuki's POV:

After I'd talked him through everything, Todoroki was able to actually fall asleep. I stayed awake, just in case he had another nightmare, and stared at the ceiling instead.

Purging while hungover was a mistake. I was dangerously lightheaded, and everything felt like it was spinning-- even though I was laying down. Between purging lunch, drinking alcohol, and then purging dinner, I felt completely empty.

I've never felt so physically weak in my entire life

Even just lifting my arm up or rolling over...

It takes so much energy

I feel like I should eat, but...

I don't want to

Why don't I want to?

I should

I hate lying to Todoroki

Hell, I just lectured him about hiding things from me

Yet here I am

I know how much it worries me

And how much it hurts when he keeps things from me

And yet I'm doing it to him

I'm putting him through the same thing

Every day

I'm...

I'm a horrible person

My eyes wandered around the room and settled on my backpack. I still had one granola bar left in there, and the urge to eat it was almost irresistible.

Don't

He'll probably make lunch when he wakes up

Or dinner, depending on when that is

You'll eat later

You'll have to

So just hold off

If you eat now and later...

Then you'll just end up purging again

I sighed and rolled over, subconsciously letting go of Todoroki's hand and facing the opposite direction. He didn't seem to stir at all, thankfully.

I...

I don't know what to do

What happened to me?

I thought I was just too depressed to eat while Todoroki was hospitalized

But now...

I'm not even depressed

I just can't do it

When did eating a simple granola bar become such a big deal?

Since when do I care this much?

Purging too?

Since when am I that desperate?

Have I not noticed it getting worse this whole time?

No

I've noticed

I've just been in denial

Like Aizawa said

I just keep lying to myself

Maybe I'll be fine