I JUST WANT YOU TO LIKE ME | ✓

▬ 07: talk for me

'How much longer are you gonna be in there?'

Just when I think he's not heard me over the running shower, Ziri answers, 'Almost done.'

'It's been like forty minutes. I have to shower too.'

No response.

'Are you having a wank?' I stride from the doorway and pull back the shower curtain to find him blowing soap bubbles through his thumb and index finger. 'Ziri, we have reservations! Sonia's gonna kill us if we're late.'

He drops his jaw wide open. 'What if I was masturbating? And you just barged right in. Also, it's my birthday.'

'Aye, and xe's come all the way from Ireland to hang out with ya. Xe'll kill us if we're late.' Shaking his head, he blows a new soap bubble between his fingers. 'Ziri.'

'If you're in such a hurry, there's space here for you.' He gestures at the rest of the bathtub behind him.

'I'm not showering with you. Last time I tried to shower with you, I almost fainted.'

Ziri splashes water at me, and I pretend to be burned as if it's boiling. 'You're the one who showers like you're preparin to move to the frickin Arctic.' He turns the temperature up out of spite. 'Fine. Give me two minutes. I have to wash the soap off.'

*

We've eaten at the same Ghanaian restaurant for Ziri's four last birthdays. There are no Beninese restaurants in Brighton, and at least it's West African and halal. "Same difference," Ziri says. Ziri doesn't tell his mum about it.

We arrive one minute late. Sonia and Amal are waiting for us in front of the restaurant, Sonia already frantically checking xyr phone for texts that we've cancelled, whilst Amal leans against the brick wall beside the door and tries half-heartedly to calm xyr down.

They met at uni. Amal did an exchange semester at Bath, and because they're the most stereotypical lesbians on Earth, when she went back to Ireland, Sonia decided to go with her. Sonia's finishing xyr architecture studies at the local university in their middle-of-nowhere Irish town, where they live some idealistic quasi-farm life. Because they're breathing lesbian stereotypes, Sonia crochets and Amal does gardening — not that you'd guess by looking at either of them.

Sonia's autism makes xyr averse to wearing anything made of yarn, but xe spends all xyr time crocheting because xe enjoys the repetitive physical task. Which is why the rest of us have wardrobes overflowing with jumpers, cardigans, and socks.

Xe's wearing a peach dress and pink trench coat, contrasted starkly with Amal's plaid maxi skirt decorated with safety pins, black platform boots, and studded black khimar. The wings of her eyeliner nearly reach the edge of the headscarf. She doesn't look like someone who could give an hour lecture about the various benefits of dandelions without requiring any preparation, but she could and probably will.

Ziri and I jog the rest of the way to catch up with them.

Ekow greets us by name when we enter the restaurant. He leads us to a table in a smaller and otherwise empty room so that Sonia won't be overstimulated by the noise. Though I don't see how xe doesn't get overstimulated by Ziri and Amal in any room; they speak so fast that I can't even figure out what they're talking about.

'So,' Ziri starts after a moment of silence. 'Have you adopted a pet goat yet?'

Amal smirks. 'Sonia wants to.'

Sonia slaps her with xyr laminated menu. 'Don't tell him that! He's gonna make jokes about it, and you know I hate his jokes.'

'Ah! You love my jokes! I'm hilarious. You should consider yourself lucky that you get to hear my jokes for free, cause I could be a world-renowned comedian by now if I wanted to, and then you'd have to pay a hundred quid. Jimmy Carr's sacked, I'd be hostin Big Fat Quiz every year.'