Bite Me

Chapter 17 - Drugged up

Song of the chapter: Because of you by Kelly Clarkson
"Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid..."

[TRIGGER WARNING –  Drug Use, Spiking of drinks, Sexual assault]

(Anastasia's point of view)

The lack of blood I've consumed over the past week was having a serious impact on my current mental state.

I felt weak, truly weak for Riven, like I was putty in his hands and I absolutely loathed that. It was like I wasn't strong enough to resist all the temptations, I wasn't strong enough to push him away again, I wasn't strong enough to walk away myself and, I simply wasn't strong enough to resist him anymore.

Keep in mind - I've always been a strong person, I've always felt powerful compared to those around me but at this very moment, I'm struggling to remain this tough vampire I'm supposed to me.

I'm actually severely close to turning my humanity on and I swore to never get to this stage again.

The way I feel when I'm around Riven is so strange, completely confusing too but also utterly amazing at the same time.

He reminds me of what it's like to be human, how it felt to be alive and have humanity and not just be a blood sucking vampire.

You know I really did pray, hoping he wouldn't be here tonight but I always knew he'd come.

In all honesty, a really small part of me hoped he'd come tonight.

Mainly because as much as I state my dislike towards feelings, emotions, relationships and love all together, he doesn't make it seem so bad.

He makes it seem kinda worth it, like giving it a go wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. He makes me reconsider all my past thoughts, theories, morals, basically everything I ever lived by or stood for.

That was honestly the thing that made me realise how different Riven is from every other guy I've ever known. He has been able to convince me to reassess things I was previously against and the fact that he pushes me, he challenges me, he excites me and he pisses me off in a way no one else can is because, he actually knows me.

He is different from all the other guys as much as I hate to admit it, he has listened to me, been there for me and caught feelings for me, actual feelings.

It's so intoxicating that way he looks at me sometimes, like throughout tonight. He's been looking at me as if I were the only woman in the world. The genuine awe and tenderness in his eyes every time he sees me almost makes my heart skip a beat. And his touch, his gentle soft touch, it electrifies every bone in my body.

I felt a deep hunger inside me that I hadn't experienced in the longest time.

Desire had consumed me and I wanted more of him, I think I even wanted to kiss him and I really hated that but it was true.

Fuck.

I need to snap out of it, this is my low blood intake talking - this isn't me.

I wouldn't think this way normally, this is all so messed up and I can't believe I'm having all these lustful thoughts.

Riven is currently looking at me as though he wants to kiss me and I had to swallow a lump in my throat because I too felt an overwhelming urge to feel his lips against mine. I haven't felt the need to kiss someone in forever, it's always been a rule of mine not to kiss anyone ever again. This is because to me, kissing is way too intimate, channels too many feelings and just imagine how he'd react to us kissing, I can't do that to him.