𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚢 𝙽𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝙳𝚘𝚘𝚛

10

Isaiah

🄰🅄🄶🅄🅂🅃

I was antsy. You could say I also had a little bit of anxiety. My chest feeling tight and slightly heavy. On multiple occasions in the past I'd be running to my bathroom to get my medication that had been prescribed to me for these exact reasons.

I just hated how it made me feel. They were kind of addicting but I always told myself it wasn't worth losing my sense of realty. Wasn't worth losing my emotions. Even if sometimes they were hard to control. The lack of that though was worth more than anyone could image.

My jaw clenched as I started with a pair of eyes in my sketch book. My pencil moving in quick swift little movements across the paper. Repetitive strokes, and lines crossing paths with each other until I was satisfied with how they turned out. I had been sketching for about 2 hours now.

I glanced at my digital clock next to me, seeing it was going on 11:30 now, I decided I would take a break and come back to work on a few more things before I decided it was really done. I'd also color them in later when I had time. Looking down at my sketch, I studied it. The shape of them. The very delicate thin lines. The pull they had towards me and the way I could never get them out of my head. It all seemed vaguely familiar. Like I knew the face they belonged too.

Maybe in a dream, I don't know. I shrug it off throwing the book down on my desk. Side stepping it as I head straight for my door, my stomach growling as I do. I stop by my moms room door first giving it a knock.

My mother steps out. She placed a hand on my cheek and gave me a warm smile. "Good morning." I told her. Again she gave me a small smile. A soft "Good morning" leaving her.

"Would you like some breakfast mom? I'm gonna make something quick and small." I've been trying to get her into a habit of eating. Ever since she had gotten out of the hospital last year, she hasn't been herself.

Her once bright green eyes were now dull and lifeless. She was quiet and timid. Barely spoke a few words to anyone.

Her blonde hair matted and lifeless. Not in the normal updo she would sport. Her frame growing thinner with the lack of nutrition. I hated this for her. I hated this for all of us.

I hated not seeing my mother happy like she used to be. I can still remember her vibrant laughs and smiles. Her cooking, her natural ability to draw attention to herself without even trying. She reminded me of someone.

It was like that person she once was, was dead. She was a shell of her former self.

And it was all because of him. He was the cause of all this. We couldn't have a normal life because he took it upon himself to ruin any type of normalcy we had.

I could feel my palms digging into my hand as I clenched it. I needed to smoke. Already feeling myself getting irritated for the day. I pulled my mom into a tight hug, letting her go quickly so I can go make something to eat without breaking down.

My little sister is still sleeping in, otherwise she'd be running all though the house being loud and obnoxious. I loved it though. This house would be too dull, too quiet without her wild games and imagination.

Once I got to the kitchen, I grabbed what I needed and started getting ready for breakfast.

—

"I'll try to get Mateo to give us a little more time to make the money." My uncle spoke to me and Jax as we stood in the parking lot of the school. "He won't go for that. You don't think you can lend us the money? At least 2500 would do and we'll figure out the rest."

He puffed on a cigarette, looking from left to right. "My hands are kinda tied right now nephew. Dealing with your fathers thugs gets kinda messy." I nod my head. He's right. Having to clean up after them is more trouble and way more expensive. "But! I'll see what I can pull. You all need to just keep do what your doing. I'll handle Mateo, but no more of these fuck ups."

As he walked of he said "smaller circle boys." A warning in his words that still linger even after he was long gone.

"Come on Sai, we gotta go." We walked off into the building, heading straight for our 1st period. It was math. One of my favorite subjects. I was pretty good with numbers, and when my dad figured out I was good with them too, he immediately put me to work for him.

He couldn't give a damn about me being his son. As long as I was useful to him that's all that mattered to him.

"Hey —" Jaxson tapped my shoulder. The look on his face was mischievous. Like he had something slick to say. "What Jaxson?"

"So. . . You and Imani?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his question. Ever since I told him we had kissed last Friday, he had been hounding me about it. "What about us?" Trying to play it cool. As if I couldn't care less.

"You tell me. It seems like you've been getting closer with her. And everyone is talking about how you guys are dating."

That stopped me in my tracks. "Everyone needs to mind their got damn business." It had only been 3 weeks of knowing her. To say we were dating was absurd. "What made them say we were?"

I asked my best friend as we started walking again. "What do you think did idiot? You were at a very public party, carrying her on your back and putting her in your car? What did you expect?"

"I was doing her a fucking favor. She was a drunken mess."

"And that was your problem? Anyone else could have did it." He looked at me with a smirk across his face.

Jaxson was best at pushing my buttons but I wouldn't let him have this one. He was right though. Someone else could've helped her. Someone else could've carried her out and yet I did.

The crazy thing is deep down, apart of me didn't want anyone else to do it. I didn't want anyone else near her, touching her. Breathing the same air she did.
It was a stupid feeling.

A feeling was all that it was and all that it would ever be. "I was just being nice." I lied and shrugged. He could think what he wanted, I didn't really care if he knew I was lying or not. Which I'm pretty sure he did.

It didn't mean anything. Even the kiss that we shared. It was nothing but a simple mind melting kiss. One that would never happen again.

And although I wanted it to last forever, I knew that it could never happen again. It would never turn into anything. My life wasn't made for romance or good times. Just endless moments of regrets and despair and anger. An endless loop that I would forever be stuck in.