(don't come at me ik I wrote something like this. I wanted to make it more inclusive and more cohesive. also Bucky if you see this pls marry me /hj)
I read over a note Bucky gave me a few days before he got captured as Steve explains his idea.
I sigh. "This better work, Steve. If it doesn't, and anyone else gets hurt..."
"I'll take complete responsibility," he replies, taking in my worried tone. "You in or not?"
"...Of course I'm in. What kind of question is that?"
On the plane, I try to calm my nerves. While I'm distracted, Steve jumps out of the plane. Without a parachute.
He's going to be the death of me.
Howard turns the plane around to get out of the line of fire.
When Peggy, Howard and I return to the base in the morning - without Steve or anyone else - Colonel Phillips chews us out for helping Steve break the rules and getting him "surely killed." He then stops, looking over... somewhere. I take the chance to close my eyes and try to calm myself down. I hear shouting and cheering, so I run over to the commotion.
"Nice of you to join us, Y/N," Steve says with a playful smile.
"Steve?" I look next to him. "Bucky? What-?"
"You look awful," Bucky chuckles. "Did ya really miss me that bad?"
A million thoughts cross my mind. I don't know what to do or say. I thought I'd never see him again, and now he's right here in front of me... "Are you hurt?" I decide to ask, turning and tilting his head every which way to check for injuries.
He grabs my hands and puts them down, smiling at me. "I'll be fine."
I sigh shakily, looking in his beautiful eyes. I can never tell him just how beautiful they are.
"Are you okay?"
I lie through my teeth. "I'm fine. Just thinking."
•
However long later - time has sped by in a blur - we're in a bar. I'm sitting next to Bucky and drinking, forgetting how to breathe each time I look at him. Occasionally, we make eye contact a little longer than normal friends do. But it doesn't matter. It can't.
After joining Steve's band of Hydra fighters, I walk off to a hidden corner of the bar. I want to kiss him. Why can't I just be normal? Maybe I'll never find love. Maybe I'll die in this war. As my thoughts race, my heart beats faster and faster and my breathing quickens.
"Hey, you okay?" Bucky asks, coming around the corner and scaring me. "You look... panicked."
"I, uh... I'm fine. Just..." He's so cute when he's concerned. Why can't we be together? What's so wrong about it? "Just thinking."
"Don't get too lost in your thoughts," he says seriously. "Our minds can be stressful places."
I nod, glancing at his lips a little longer than I should.
"C'mon," he mutters, patting my shoulder. "We gotta get some rest."
•
"Do not die. I swear, if you die-"
"That's not reassuring, Y/N," Bucky interrupts me. "I'm serious."
"So am I."
"Hey, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just... thinking."
•
I lie awake in my bed, trying to forget everything I feel about him. I can't seem to forget or even stop thinking about it. I get up and leave, driving to his apartment.
I knock frantically on Bucky's door at ten in the evening, my mind racing as fast as my heart as I breathe heavily. "Please open up..." I mutter.
He opens the door, looking confused to see me this late. "Are you okay? You look... panicked."
My heart races faster when I realize I'm actually going to tell him. "Well, I was just thinking, and... Can I come in? I need to tell you something."
"What's going on?" He lets me in, gently putting a hand on my shoulder.
I turn around to look at him. "Have you ever been in love?"
He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head. "No."
"That's your lying voice. It hasn't changed since... Well, it hasn't changed. Why are you lying?"
He changes the subject. "Why did you come here?"
"Listen..." I take a deep, shaky breath. "I love you. I am in love with you. I have been for....for as long as I can remember. And I have a feeling you are too. You can prove me wrong or right however you want, but-"
He kisses me gently. It feels like sparks fly and pieces fall into place and everything is right all at once.
"I would've said something, but you would not stop talking," he jokes, smiling softly. "I feel the same way. Always have."
I lean against his chest, tears starting to fall from relief. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."
"I think I might," he says, rubbing gentle circles into my back.
I spend the rest of the night with him, sleeping soundly for the first time in ages.
