Tw (Self h@rm)
Chan POV :
"That's it for today ! Everyone please go back to your rooms, it's getting late and I want all of you to get some good sleep !"
Once everyone leaves to their own room. I go to the production room where I continue working on a new work. Jisung dosent know about it. It's an unfinished piece me and Changbin made together when we first met. I couldn't handle listening to it at the start since all the memories would come back. But now I think I can continue working on it.
I press play and my headphones play Changbin's voice. I miss it so much. If I had made them practice more maybe He wouldn't have dropped the headset. But I guess life goes on. I can't blame myself for everything.
"Hyung...can I listen?"
A half awake Jisung walks into the production room.
"Go to bed Jisung, you'll be too tired to practice if you don't sleep. "
"Chan even though you're the eldest you Have to care for yourself too. You think I don't know the nights you spend crying out of guilt? You have to love yourself whether you like it or not. You're a wonderful person Chan and you deserve to be happy aswell. Not just us. Now go to sleep or let me listen."
"Fine you can listen. And then ill go to bed. Happy?"
"Yeah now let me listen!"
I plug in Jisung's headphones and place them over this head.
"I've never heard this one..."
"Yeah it was kind of a me and Changbin project. I decided to listen to it again. "
After I finish, I look to my side and tears are dripping down Jisung's cheeks.
"Chan the lyrics...are they based of yourself?"
"Yeah.."
"you should have told me...I wasn't there to help you! If you dont mind Show me them. "
"I- it's fine jisung don't worry I stopped a long time ago. "
"Just show me."
I pull down my sweatpants to show him.
"CHAN ! These cuts are fresh! You did this recently didn't you? You should have told me... I could have helped you ! You shouldn't have needed to do that... you don't deserve to feel that way !"
"Jisung it's fine. I didn't want to worry you guys so I took it out on myself. Don't worry about me, it's my way of coping."
I started doing this a year after I joined JYP. When I'm stressed like after eliminations or activates. I would always head to my room and take out a piece of glass from my bedside table. Then I'd start engraving words and little promises into my skin. The mental torture was too much so I distracted myself with physical pain.
Jisung throws himself onto me and hugs me. His tears land on my skin. Cold icy drops.
"You don't deserve to feel this way ! "
Jisung's voice is Muffled but enough for me to Hear. Fuck. Now he's worried about me. That's the thing I wanted least. For the members to know. They're all already so stressed. I can't add onto that with my problems. They shouldn't be obligated to take on my issues as well. I'll listen to all of their sorrows and take it upon myself to feel the pain for them.
A/N
Freestyled this one lol
Idk where it was going and I might change it since I kinda hate it
Anyways I luv skz teaser photos 😭💗
Whos teaser photo is your favourite?
Mine is Hyunjin because of the thunderous fan 🛐
YOU ARE READING
𝙁𝙧𝙚𝙚 (𝙎𝙠𝙯 𝙁𝙁)
Fanfiction"They never existed...?" "No no no im sure they're real...I see them everyday !" Pills and Medicine for a trapped mind. a white room is all I see.
