4. - 2021
The 2020 season was a mess. Charles had 2 podiums. That’s it. He felt awful. After all he had sacrificed for Ferrari, this happens? His optimistic side tells him to be grateful; look at Seb: he had 1 podium, throughout the whole year. And it was a third place. But how can he be optimistic in this situation? Even with as much love as he had for his team, he knew they had to improve.
At least, he could be proud of Max; he had 9 podiums, and even 2 race wins. He was truly proud of him. Even, if he couldn’t say it to him. After the party, he and Max faded away from each other. They did not talk as much anymore, and even though Max tried to, Charles always found himself an excuse he could run away with. So, it was Charles’ fault. He didn’t respond to Max’s messages, and he didn’t want to meet up. Who would want to, after such an embarrassment? It was almost a year ago, but Charles still didn’t want to talk about it. Or, more precisely, tell anyone about it. Because no one knew what has happened between him and Max on that night. Charles did not even tell Seb. He knew that the German most likely would tell him to talk with Max, and he did not want to do that. Especially in the situation he was in now.
He met Ethan in August, at one of the races. It might have been in Silverstone.
Ethan was a tennis player, who was touring the world, just like Charles. They went on a couple of dates after that weekend, and two weeks later, Ethan asked Charles to be his boyfriend. He happily agreed, finally having someone to replace Max in his heart. Charles knew, that if he wanted to have a long-term relationship with Ethan, he had to fall in love with him. He felt sorry for the man, because firstly, he just “used him” to forget about Max. Charles didn’t even love him. Yes, he liked him, because he was funny, and good looking, but he did not love him.
About the latter: Ethan was fearfully similar to someone Charles has known since his childhood. He had dirty blond hair, which sometimes shone under the light, making it seem like it was totally blond. He also had blue eyes, which shimmered when the Sun was shining. The extras were the broad shoulders, and a downwards smile. Does that ring a bell? He looks entirely like Max. Charles only realized that when they had their first kiss. They were at the beach in Monaco, and Ethan spun him around and kissed him. It was during the golden hour, and it reminded Charles of his dreams of doing all this with Max. When the kiss ended, and he stared into Ethan’s eyes, he realized the fact, that he is dating someone who looks like Max. The man he has liked and must forget about? Did he really like Ethan because he looks like Max? He is not a good person. Is he really misleading someone, that he was supposed to love? No comment.
He did not want to hurt Ethan though, so he tried to give their relationship a try.
This year, he did not want to go to any kind of New year’s party. Not even the traditional one, with all the drivers. He had to turn the offer down in front of Sebastian, who Charles thought has started to suspect something. He didn’t say anything though, fortunately.
So, Charles was staying home, spending New Year’s Eve all alone. He stayed up, until midnight, popping a champagne. He was in fluffy sweater and sweatpants, all snuggled up on his couch.
It was way past midnight. When he first heard the sound of the doorbell, he didn’t respond, because he thought he just misheard it, but when it rang for the second time, he got up, and opened the door. His first instinct was to close it immediately, go to bed, and quit Formula One.
Max was standing outside his door.
He looked gorgeous; he even outdid himself with the clothes. He wasn’t wearing Red Bull merch for the sake of everyone!
- Charlie… - Charles was out of his mind.
-Why aren’t you at the party? Everyone misses you. – “Oh, if it would be you, just you who does, I would run there this instant” – Charles thought.
- Sorry Max, I am so tired, can’t we just have this conversation tomorrow, or something?
- No! I feel like it is my fault! And do not interrupt Charles. Last year, we had such an amazing connection, we talked so much, were together so much, and now look at us! Now, after the last New Year’s party, you do not even want to talk to me! You avoid me, run away every time I show up at the paddock, and it is bothering me so much! What have I done? Have I done something Charlie? To upset you? I do not remember much from last New Year’s, but from what I do, I did not do anything to harm you, or hurt you! So please tell me: why is it, that you do not want to come to our party today?
- Max you really did not do anything, I- It is because last year we-
Something was ringing. Max’s phone light up; Lando was calling. Max immediately hung up, but the second he did, Lando rang again.
- Sorry, I- Lando what the f-
Max was pale.
- I am on my way. Charles, I have to go. We will talk about this. Daniel is in the hospital.
-He what? Should I go with you?
- No, you stay here. I do not want you to be sad, I am sure he is fine, but I have to make sure he is. Lando said, that a glass broke, and it hit Dan. The idiot. – Max said, as he grabbed his stuff, and hurried out of his apartment.
Charles smiled. Max remembered that he had a strong fear of hospitals, since… well since the incident.
As Charles looked at his figure getting smaller and smaller, he knew there was no way out of this situation. Except, there was. There was no way he was going to embarrass himself by telling Max what has happened last year.
He had to end this. He knew he still had strong feelings for Max, and he was not going to hurt Ethan by pretending he loved him.
Charles sighed. He had to fix this.
YOU ARE READING
stuttered words
Fanfiction5 times Charles accidentally almost confessed to Max. 1 time he did it consciously, and succeeded. English not being my first language makes it pretty hard to write these, but hoping it is capable of reading. This is the outcome of 3 and a half Mo...