stuttered words

3.

3. – 2020.

Ferrari is going to have Charles for another four years. He is tied with the Italian team until 2024. When he signed the contract extension, he finally felt like he did it. He did it for Jules, for his dad, and for all the ones who couldn’t make it. And who did he celebrate with? The one and only; Max Verstappen. After his accidental coming out, he kind of “bonded” with Max. They spent every minute they could together, they went out for dinner, facetimed together, and did all stuff friends do.

Max won the Autrian, the German, and the Brazilian Grand Prix, and had 6 podiums with the exception of the race wins, and Charles was always the first one to congratulate him. Charles whished that next year, both of them had faster cars which for him, meant race wins, for Max, it meant even more chance to compete for the championship. He was really excited for the 2020 season, especially with it coming closer and closer as the year 2019 came to an end.

Charles – as usual – was looking forward to the yearly held New Years party at Daniel’s place. This year, nevertheless, a lot of strangers were invited to the get-together, who the Monégasque didn’t know. He wasn’t looking forward to get to know them, he was going to spend the evening in the company of the usual gang.

The grid wanted to spice things up a little bit this year (and by grid, Charles means Daniel), and give each other presents. Of course, everyone bought bullshit to each other. Just to present a few things; Daniel bought Lando a hair straightener (which the Brit clearly didn’t like), Carlos bought Charles the ugliest Christmas sweater existing and forced the Ferrari driver to wear it, but the best one is that Latifi, George’s soon-to be teammate (who was also invited) got a shirtless George cardboard cut-out. His reaction was even captured on video.

They decided that they are going to get as drunk as they could that night. Charles knew, he is not going to get drunk, and be the photographer that night, learning from his mistakes in the past two years. At least he’d get a couple of photos to show Lando when next time he tries to blackmail the Monégasque to buy ice cream for him. He was wandering around the house. He had already had a couple pictures of Seb and Kimi, Alex, and even Pierre, and he knew that he is definitely going to show those to his best friend the next day. 

Most of the grid was in the living room, with all those strangers dancing, and waving to the music. Charles stopped holding the door frame, when he saw Max and Daniel on the couch, hugging, and laughing together. Charles knew that they were close, but he never thought that this much. He was hundred percent sure, that he was jealous at Daniel. He wanted to have Max, the way he did. He decided to head out to the pool. The same place everything started. He felt awful, because sometimes he saw signs. Signs, that maybe, just maybe, Max could like him back. But that can’t be true, Max has a crush. He told Charles himself.

He is going to be in Max’s place today. He is going to feel melancholic today, except that no one is going to come, and comfort him, the way he did Max. Or…

Charles heard footsteps. Maybe someone just felt dizzy, and came out to clear their mind. But no.

- Charlie? Why are you out here all alone?

Charles was surprised to see Max walking out of the house.

- I could ask the same about you. It’s nothing. You should just go back to Daniel. It’s fine.

- What? Why would I go back to Daniel?

- It doesn’t matter, I told you, its fine.

Charles never meant to be mean to Max. He scolded himself.

- Charlie… you’re not jealous, are you?

What? Charles’ face shot up. What does Max mean by that? He doesn’t know that Charles likes him, does he? Oh god, please no.

- What? No, I’m not. Why would I be?

- There is nothing wrong, with being jealous Charlie – Max smirked – I was too. You remember the time you had that interview with Seb? He looked at you, a way, he shouldn’t. I was so jealous after that. I wanted to go to your motorhome after. I needed you to tell me, nothing was going on. But I didn’t. Why were you jealous at Daniel?

Okay. This is the time.

- Because I love you. I love you so much, and you didn’t even know it. Sometimes I get scared about showing it. It feels like when you come around me, my mouth locks tight, and the words I want to say are just stifled. My lips lock up because my love is so strong, and the words that I want to say just can't be expressed. Sometimes I want to open up and tell you how I feel, but I guess I'm just too scared. It seems like it isn't any easier for you to express yourself to me, than for me to express myself to you. I love you.

- Oh Charles-

“No. Please don’t say that you don’t” Charles thought.

-Guys? Don’t you want to come in? Alonso is doing shots – George and Daniel stumbled out the door laughing.

Fernando was always invited to the party, since he was still a mayor part of the grid’s shared friend group. There were rumours floating around in the paddock, that he is thinking about coming back to Formula One.

Charles and Max looked at each other, but before the latter could say anything, Charles nodded.

- Yeah, let’s go.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Charles woke up early. The sun still didn’t rise. He decided at dawn, that he is going to use one of Daniel’s spare bedrooms. When he stumbled down the stairs, he saw a figure at the dining table, eating a plate of Cocoa puffs.

- How can you be up, this early? Didn’t you drink last night?

- Oh, yeah – Max turned around – but not that much.

- Max… I wanted to talk about last night. What I had said was-

Charles was determined to clear everything with Max. He wanted to hear the words he said, back from the Dutchman.

Maybe the crush Max had was him, he just didn’t want to tell Charles.

- What happened last night? Sorry, everything is a little blurry.

Charles stood there frozen. So, everything Max said, about being jealous and stuff; it as all because of alcohol? And he didn't really mean it? He could hear his heart break into small pieces.

- No -I -I’m sorry, I have to go.

And he ran away again.

INFO: The interview, which is mentioned in the story, doesn’t exist.