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TW: child abuse
"KAKAK NAK JADI APA MASA BESAR?" Papa asked while eating.
A bright smile appeared on my face as I turned towards him. "Mawar nak belajar pasal bintang! Nanti Mawar nak pergi space!" I said proudly before shoving the spoonful of fried rice in my mouth.
"Macam takde guna je nak jadi angkasawan. Baik jadi doktor ke, polis, berguna la juga pada negara." Mama interrupted.
She was always like this.
She always wanted things to go her way.
If it doesn't, she will make it go her way.
"Tapi Mama, Mawar taknak jadi doktor. Doktor mana boleh pergi space. Mawar taknak duduk kat hospital je, tak best la." I mumbled, playing with my food. A hand rested on my lap, it was Naim's. He gave me a small frown and shook his head, telling me to not argue.
But I wasn't entirely wrong was I?
It's my future. I should have the right to choose.
Mama threw my plate to the floor. "Aku kata sekali tu faham la! Kau nak jadi angkasawan bukannya ada kebaikan pun! Kau tu kecil lagi! Mana tahu fikir!"
"Mawar dah tahun lima, Mama! Mawar tahu la mana yang baik mana yang tak!" I yelled back, standing up. Naim on the other hand sighed and closed little Fakhri's ears. He was too young for all of this. We were too young for this.
This was our family routine. We started out nice, then when someone says something out of line, she goes crazy, especially at me. She'll always find a way to blame it on me, even though I had nothing to do with it.
"Kau mari sini!" Mama yelled and pulled my wrist into the kitchen. My eyes looked at Papa as if I was begging him to help me. He didn't. I always wondered why.
"Mimpi kau tu mimpi je! Your dreams are just dreams!" She scolded as she hit me in the head. "Ulang!"
"My dreams are just dreams!" I screamed, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Lagi! Ada aku suruh kau menangis? Tak kan?"
"My dreams are just dreams! Mama! Sakit Mama!"
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