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Ayah's house, evening
I STOPPED WORKING at Kudrat now. I told my coworker and she understood. I needed some time to process things. I'm also staying with Papa for the time being. He said it's for the best and I agreed. I had to admit that lately I couldn't control myself.
I have no idea what's happening with me.
It's like I was having a war with my own mind.
Mama invited us to have dinner at Ayah's house. I felt my hands shaking in Papa's car on the way there. My chest tightened. I was fidgeting with my hands.
"Mawar okay?" Papa asked, his head turning away from the road just for a slight second. "Mawar kalau taknak–"
"Takpe, pa. Mawar boleh." I answered. My eyes were shut as I tried to normalize my breathing. Two fingers were at my pulse.
Exactly how Naim used to do.
I guessed that he took the habit from me since I do it every night after being hit by Mama.
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. . .
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I helped Mama set the dining table. "Tangan kakak menggigil." Mama pointed out.
