Door No. 8

Door Number Five - Splintered Self (2)

"We don't have a lot of time, we need to prepare for the next door, it's a tricky one," he explained, barely lifting his eyes from the notes he was shuffling through.

"You mean to tell me that the one I just went through was easy?" Taylor protested.

"It depends on the person, it's easy for some, difficult for others," he continued perusing his notes, trying to extricate himself from the line of questioning.

"It didn't seem easy to me," she hung on to the subject, stubbornly.

"Oh, very well," he conceded. "Let's go over things quickly. What do you want to know?"

"Nothing that I can think of off the top of my head," she said.

"And that's why I didn't want to waste time with this analysis. If you don't have any questions to ask, what is the point?" He went back to his notes and made some corrections on one of the pages, with nervous strikes of the pen. "These people!" he complained, exasperated. "You wouldn't believe!"

"That doesn't give me comfort," she looked at the notes with trepidation, wondering what mistake inside them could send her spinning eternally in deep space. "Comfort," she thought, "that's funny!" and started giggling against her will.

"OK, here goes. I can't stand spoon feeding people what they're supposed to be thinking, so I always strive to answer the questions they do have, but maybe in this case we can try some guidance, considering how many facets of your personality you thrust upon your unsuspecting world. The basic rules are: judge not, fear not, covet not, take nothing personally, listen when spoken to, assume nothing, worry about nothing, wish for nothing."

"But that's almost everything there is for a person to care about? What's left?"

"Other than peace, love and happiness? You."

"But you just said that I should embrace all my emotions."

"I said do not hide your emotions. Remember how you told me that it is impossible not to think?"

"So," she said, pondering on how to formulate the question, "you know how you said that some people who go through the doors decide to stay? In this case, what would that mean?"

"Some people just decide to permanently assume the persona they find more desirable and live the rest of their lives wearing it like a costume, while others lose themselves, unfortunately, by casting all that they are on other people through their wants and fears and they become hollow vessels that collect everything everybody throws their way."

"Why would anyone want to do that?"

"Most people are unaware of it happening, but for the few who do it with full knowledge, you have to understand that want is a very powerful driver, almost more powerful than fear. There is always something you want, sometimes bad enough to give up everything for it. It differs from person to person, but it's always there; this is human nature and it's not in itself good or bad, but your desire will become your master if you do not exercise restraint. Any desire," he looked at her sharply, and she was taken aback for a second, wondering what she'd done wrong. "Even a noble and selfless one."

"Why not pursue that want, then, if it is the most important thing for you?"

"By all means pursue it, but don't get trapped by it, because then it becomes your whole world and you won't be able to see anything outside of it anymore. Nothing is that important, especially after you traveled a bit and learned how big, strange and awesome existence really is."

"So, can I ever go back?" she asked.

"To being a hundred people? Sure. We do that every day, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes against our will, but I strongly recommend reducing the number drastically if you want to be able to focus on anything."

"What if I want to do it intentionally?"

He paused for a second, trying to find the best way to respond.

"I would be very careful with that, because projecting yourself in someone else's mind is like entering their home: if you are invited, your presence there is welcomed and eagerly anticipated, but if you are not, you're like a thug breaking an entering, you do damage to the other and bring hatred upon yourself. Now, since many people do this completely unaware, they are exempt from these rules of conduct. You are going to tell me that this isn't fair to you, but I'll remind you that life itself isn't always fair. If you know the law, you're held to uphold it. At any rate, if you choose to, shall we say, visit, provided you're welcome, remember not to leave your trash behind."

The silence returned and he went back to redlining his notes and getting more and more aggravated by the grievous mistakes found inside them. Her curiosity got the better of her and she tried to stretch out her neck and see what it was that was causing him so much righteous outrage, but she was sitting too far to be able to read anything.

"Why is door number five here if we weren't supposed to go through it?" she asked, just to break the silence.

"Oh, we could have gone through it both ways, but a little exercise wasn't going to kill you either. Good for the body, good for the soul."

"Really? We could have gone there the easy way but we chose to walk half an hour up the hill?"

"Which brings me back to my previous observation, that when you really want something you tend to become oblivious of the other options."

"But I didn't even know this was an option."

"Hence the expression 'being oblivious of it'," he clarified. "Have we exhausted the subject?"

"I guess," she said, tentatively.

"See? I told you there wasn't that much to talk about."