Portraits of our dreams (Hashirama x Madara)

11. Turning points (Madara)

I woke up alone in a big, unfamiliar bed. But somehow, it did not feel unfamiliar. It felt like home.

Although I wasn't exactly alone. Hashirama was in the kitchen, clearly visible as his loft was completely open, no walls except for those leading to the bathroom and the closet. And Hashirama was making pancakes and whistling.

His face broke out in a wide grin as he saw I was awake in a way that made me suspect he had looked over at me from time to time, hoping I would have woken. It made me feel hot all over that he had watched me sleep. At the same time, it made me feel incredibly safe.  

"Good morning, sunshine", he said warmly. 

"How long have I slept?"

He went to me and kissed the top of my head, and I put my arms around his waist, leaning my face against his strong abdomen.

"Twelve hours. It's ten pm. I've been up since seven."

"Oh, wow", I said, astonished both at how long I'd been asleep and how early Hashirama had woken. 

"How are we feeling?" he asked me kindly, and I could discern the worry in his eyes that he tried to hide. 

I was in unbearable pain, much more so than yesterday, yet it felt ungrateful of me to say so. 

But Hashirama seemed to be able to see right through me. 

"There's a pain killer next to you on the bedside table."

I looked over, and sure enough, there it was. Not just a pill but a whole package. I couldn't know for sure, but I suspected that Hashirama had given me the unbroken package so that I would not have to be afraid he was trying to drug me.

Once the pill kicked in, I could have a pancake or two or three. After we had done the dishes together, Hashirama took me to the hospital and the police. The doctors examined me thoroughly and freed me, and the police started an investigation. Once back home, or sorry, to Hashirama's loft, I was already exhausted.

"Rest", he said and pulled me to him on the couch.

I leaned against him, and once I let tiredness wash over me, I let my biggest fear wash over me as well.

What if Hashirama would turn out to be just like him?

There was no denying the fact that I had fallen for Hashirama as quickly as I had fallen for him, which meant that either, Hashirama was frightfully charming, or I was frightfully dumb. Neither prospect  was appealing to me. What if Hashirama took care of me like this now, only to start manipulating me later on? What if I, once more, didn't even notice? 

"What's wrong?" 

Hashirama must have noticed I had stiffened up.

I considered just biting it down and say it was nothing, that I was just shaken by everything that had happened or that the effect of the pain killer had worn out, but I found I didn't want to. I had been hiding my true self for so long, I couldn't hold it back anymore now I was weakened.

"I am afraid..." I swallowed. Please, don't hate me. "I am afraid you're a bad guy as well. Don't get me wrong!" I added hurriedly. "I appreciate everything you've done so much! I couldn't have managed without you. But that's what scares me. What if you... I mean, even if I don't believe it, I can never know, can I? And it scares me that I am so dependent on you. What if I should be alone for a while?"

Hashirama was quiet, brows furrowed, looking straight ahead. For a while, I was afraid I had offended him, and were just about to speak up to say never mind, that he should just ignore everything I had just said, when he spoke.