Winning The Man Hater's Heart

Chapter 38

Winning The Man Hater's Heart

I sighed and removed his hands from me.

"Let's forget about this Kyle." He looked hurt when I told him that. Who wouldn't?

"You're being unfair Justine." It broke me how broken his voice are. It's just, so not him!

"Wag na nating paasahin ang mga sarili natin Kyle. We both know the current situation." Mas lalong bumigat ang pag hinga niya.

I again attempted to remove his hold, but he just won't let me! Ilang beses na akong napa buntong hininga at napag desisyonang hayaan na lang muna siya.

"We will only fall apart. Let's not hurt ourselves." He reacted immediately at my remark. He looked at me like he wag begging

"Then let's not!" He dropped himself on the floor and kneeled infront of me. "Run away with me."

My lips parted at what he said. I loved him, and I love him still. He loved me, and until now he does. But how can this man tell me to run away with him, when he clearly knows what will the outcome be.

His eyes were begging, and misty. His hands were clasped on my hands, not wanting to let go of it.

As much as my heart wants to say yes. My mind told me that it couldn't be.

Tears pooled from my eyes when I saw a tear from fell from him, when I gently shook my head.

I sobbed. And I closed my eyes.

I was so strong earlier! I was keeping myself well! What the heck is happening now!

"I can't Kyle, as much as I want to, I just can't."

He was silent all the while. He's watching me sob and shed tears that are now starting to feel like a river.

"I can't! I love you but---" he cut me off

"Don't." He's breathing so hard now, and so am I! Hearing him struggle with his words just doubles the pain.

"Don't say that you love me like you regret that you did." I shook my heads repeatedly at his words. No! I don't.

"Don't say that you love me please... At this moment it just felt untrue." How can he think that? I love him that even though I want to beg for the universe to let us be, reality is my biggest enemy! I wouldn't also want him to loose everything he's earned.

"Are you questioning what I---"

"No Justine, I just don't feel worthy of your love. Please don't say it because it will only break my heart now."

He stood and wiped my tears from his thumb.

This is also hard for him! I can see his urge to fight his emotions.

"I'd like to remember your happy I love you's. I'd like to preserve the euphoric feeling of being able to receive those. I'd like to remember it as a music, a gift, something welcoming. Not something that will end."

"I'm sorry." I was able to mumble those in between my sobs. "I'm sorry I can't fight for you now." He smiled weekly, and he sighed.

"It has always been a losing battle from your perspective. You've always thought about losing even when you haven't even start the fight." He went at the door and looked at me for the last tome before he opened it.

"For you. I was always someone whom you can't reach, you've always thought of that. But let me just tell you that--- I am someone who's hard to reach, but willingly layed everything down for you to be enough."