this is me trying, spn [ 3 ]

025. a mom's revenge

Sam puts the plate of pancakes on the counter along with the bacon and eggs.

"Ooh. Okay, chef." Natalie comments, walking in.

"Yeah. Uh..." Sam grabs a few things for himself, making his plate. "This is for all of you guys to go eat in the library."

"All of us?" Natalie asks.

"Well, uh... te-technically most of you." Sam says.

"And the ones not there would be..." Natalie trails off.

"Me and, uh... and the person I've been letting down." Sam says. Natalie nods. "So... don't let anybody else come into the kitchen."

"Okay." Natalie says. She gently pats him on the arm before she makes a few trips to get all the food, dishes, and condiments into the library.

"Hey." Sam greets as Libby walks into the kitchen.

"Hey." She quietly says.

Sam's heart cracks at the dark bags under her eyes and how tired she seems. Ever since being back it's like it's the most obvious thing in the world that she's been struggling. He doesn't know how the hell he managed to miss it, especially for so long, and it makes him hate himself.

"Uh... here. Have some breakfast." Sam motions to a plate of pancakes.

"Oh, uh, I-- I'm not that hungry." Libby dismisses.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Um, here, have some fruit." Sam puts a small bowl of fruit down on the table.

"Yeah." She nods after a moment. "That works." She sits at the table and he sits across from her.

"Eat up." He says, motioning to the bowl as he eats some of his scrambled eggs. Libby gives him a confused look, not missing the look in his eyes as if he's testing her. Libby grabs a strawberry and forces herself to eat it.

After managing to finish the small amount of fruit, Sam is still eating. Libby starts to feel the bile want to rise up, but she attempts to push it back. She swallows it down, resting her chin in her hand, her fingers covering her mouth.

"You all right?" Sam notices her get fidgety. Libby nods a little. "You sur-- Bessie?" She rushes to the sink. "Hey, hey." He rushes over as she starts to throw up into the sink. "Shit." He whispers, wincing. "Okay, okay, hey. Hey, it's okay, baby girl." He gathers her hair in his hands, holding it in a makeshift ponytail. "Let it out, honey. Just let it out."

When Libby finishes, she's already sobbing.

"I'm sorry." She hiccups. "I'm sorry. I didn't--"

"Hey, hey, hey, no. No. Stop, stop it." Sam tells her, smoothing her hair down and rubbing her arms. "Come here. Come here, sit down." He leads her over to the counter and pulls one of the stools out for her. "I'm sorry. Okay? I am so, so sorry. You have no idea. I'm really sorry."

Sam wipes her tears away as she continues to cry.

"I'm sorry, baby. I should've noticed all of this a lot sooner and I'm sorry I didn't. I don't know how I didn't. I-- I was caught up in my head or something or-- or maybe I am just a total idiot and didn't see any of the signs. I'm sorry. I-- I haven't been trying to put you on the back burner or anything, I swear. I just... it just happened, I don't know. I'm sorry. There's no excuses for me not being there and not seeing everything, and I get it if you don't forgive me, I wouldn't either. I'm just really sorry, baby."

"I don't-- I don't make myself throw up. I don't do that." Libby sobs. "It just comes out. I can't hold it down anymore."

"Hey, hey, shh, shh." Sam shushes her, cupping her face. "It's all right. Hey, we'll figure it all out, okay? We will figure everything out. I'll help you. With everything, okay? I promise. I'm right here."