God had blacked out on his recliner chair, but it was now Sunday, so he had to wake up so that Christians all over the world could sing to him. He could finally feel like… well, God… for the first time in what felt like ages (but was really six days).
Among those Christians was Loopy.
He hesitantly looked over at the globe covering Porong Porong Forest with his hand. He then said to himself. "..I guess I can take a peek." He would instantly regret this decision.
"Eddy, stop performing cunnilingus on me so I can get ready for church!" Loopy kicked Eddy in the face. "Sorry God!" she called up toward heaven. "And hi Grandpa!"
Eddy licked the beaver juice off his perverted lips and sat on the couch.
"Eddy, get ready for church!" Loopy called from the bedroom.
"Atheist. Remember?" Eddy sneered back.
"Why are we married again?" Loopy cried.
"Cuz you got a phatty." Eddy barked.
"Well, too bad. You are learning about God, whether you like it or not."
"I don't like it," Eddy grumbled like a 4-year-old who got rejected by a hot girl in Among Us.
"I'm gonna fuck you so hard in the ass for this," Eddy threatened.
"Language." Loopy said semi-sarcastically.
"Have fun at your God school or whatever, I'm gonna go vote out some sussy impostors."
Loopy, showing her mommy side, picked up Eddie by the shirt-front and dragged him out the door, throwing him into the back of her car.
"Mkay, mommy." Eddy replied.
Loopy scoffed and floored the gas speeding into the church.
When the people filed in sitting in the rows Reverend Crong (of all fucking people) began his speech.
"Crong crong, crong crong. Crong. Crong… CRONG CRONG?!?"
(Thou shall not masturbate or pleasure thine self because it will scorch God's eyes as he looks upon us. Eddy.") Crong sneered. ("Hello… Number 3… DEVIL SET MY SPERM FREE?!?")
(This is a moral orel reference. -ShavingDrainHairMan)
(You don't need to point out every reference -PedrosGroupie0247)
(This is the first time I've done it, prude. -ShavingDrainHairMan)
(Well, stop doing it. -PedrosGroupie0247 [P.S. Don't call me a prude.])
"That's you too, you bastard!" Eddy yelled.
Loopy pinched Eddy's ear.
"No talking in church!" she whispered aggressively.
"Crong crong crong, crong, crong crong crong!"
(We must respect God by not ruining his ears by using vulgar language! P.S. don't get drunk either because that'll ruin God's liver that he made for you!) Crong declared.
"This is bullshit!" Eddy whispered to Loopy.
Loopy glared at him.
"For all we know, God is getting drunk up in heaven as we speak because of whores like you!" he continued.
"Reverend Crong just said—"
"We MuSt reSpecT GOd By noT rUInIng hIs earS bY usInG vuLgar laNgUage!" Eddy mocked.
Crong glared at him.
Loopy glared at him.
Some other villagers of Porong Porong Forest glared at him.
A painting of Jesus glared at him.
"Why me?" Eddy asked himself
"Cuz you a ho!" a random villager called out.
"How the fuck did he read my mind!?!" Eddy asked himself once more.
"I don't know," said the painting of Jesus.
"I need to stay off the beaver pussy," Eddy said.
"What?" Loopy asked.
"Nothing..." he mumbled.
God took some antidepressants. And a giant swig of alcohol. And some painkillers. And got some popcorn because come on! This story is atleast a little interesting
***MEANWHILE AT PEDROSGROUPIE0247'S SCHOOL***
PedrosGroupie0247 stomped on Gavin's balls.
"Ow wtf" Gavin said.
Suddenly he was struck by lightning and died a quick, but not necessarily painless, death.
***LATER AT PORONG PORONG PLAYGROUND***
It was nightfall. All was peaceful. All the villagers were huddled around a small fire and Poby was twiddling with a guitar.
Out of nowhere, a green backpack and an empty soda bottle appeared directly behind the fire.
They both looked around.
"WHAT THE HECK?! BRYCE, I COULD'VE SWORN THIS WAS THE RIGHT NUMBER!!!" the backpack said, confused and astonished.
"We forgot the seven Lia–" The soda bottle was interrupted.
Pororo attacked the unknown entities with a stick, pushing them into the fire.
They didn't scream or do any of the normal things you'd do whilst burning to a crisp, they just disappeared immediately.
Poby strummed a few notes on his guitar to make sure it was tuned correctly.
Then he began to sing:
"Bluck bluck bluck, ba-bluck bluck blucka
A-blucka bluh, blucka bluck bluck blucka
Bluck bluck bluck blu-blu-bluck. Blucka!
Blucka blucka blucka blucka bluck-bluck…"
And so on.
***THE NEXT MORNING***
Poby stretched and yawned normally as he got out of bed. He was dismayed upon finding that his guitar strings were all broken. One was almost completely missing.
"Harry."
Startled, the bratty little bird fell out of his bed and hit the floor with a plop.
"What the fuck happened to my guitar?" Poby asked scoldingly.
"Looks like it's time to head to work!" Harry chirped.
He pecked the window until it broke and then flew out through the hole. He did not stop flying until he reached the nearest Costco building.
"Wait a minute…" Poby mumbled suspiciously. "Harry has no job."
A lot of weird moaning sounds ensued in that Costco building.
That is, until a Costco worker caught them.
"HEY!" the Costco worker hollered. "DON'T EAT ASS IN THE CEREAL AISLE!"
Harry and the fly looked over at the Costco worker, but kept going at it nonetheless.
***MEANWHILE AT EDDY'S HOUSE***
What was another perk of Eddy's robot fuck buddy, Rody?
He was an atheist, just like his noble maker.
