The deconstruction of Eliz

Chapter 13 Hera

I do not know if minutes or seconds have passed since my mother whispered her name to me. Because of my fatalistic mindset, I imagine scenarios like in the movie Final Destination, where she could have been in a traffic accident or run over. That she fell on the subway rails or drowned.

However, the squeal of joy that suddenly comes from my mother brings me back to reality. Confused, I try to discern the conversation from only one side of the phone.

— And how did he do it? — says my mother. To which I wonder. Who did what?

— But how big is it? — My mother replies. Size! What is she referring to?

My concentrated mother tells her; — yes, those dates can work out.

Another pause, and she says; — Excellent. Talk to him and let me know. There is a lot to plan.

— She hangs up the phone and abruptly, out of frustration at not understanding anything, I say — what are you planning?

— And that is the first thing you are going to ask? — says my mother, as always punishing me with her tone.

I am still just as confused and less scared because she no longer looks petrified, but all this confusion is giving me a migraine. I grab my temples, close my eyes, and the only thing I can say is; — Mother, what is going on?

— Hera is engaged! I am finally going to see one of you married!

Stunned, I only hear her voice in the background but do not ignore the slight insult towards me. I have a feeling of déjà vu. A while ago, they added me to a high school reunion group where all they shared were photos of their families and comments about their successful careers. You know, on social media, everything looks perfect because no one is exhibiting their misery. Ha! That is why I do not have an Instagram! Try it! It is liberating!

At that moment, I felt overwhelmed with envy, and it was not the good kind. I felt everyone« lived»; they dared, grew, and prospered. However, out of fear, I was still in the same place. It was comfortable because I knew I did not want to be yelled at in class. I did not want to experience the awkwardness of a first date because of my lack of knowledge of what to say, how to behave, and the fear of embarrassing myself or my date.

According to a high school psychology teacher, people usually chase what is seen as normal. Definitely, I do not consider myself normal. That sensation is exactly what I feel at this moment, accompanied by as if a hand was squeezing my heart. Added to this is the shame of how others see me for not having these «obvious things. » In addition, as the cherry on the cake, pain, to see how my mother finally can be happy with something that I cannot give her. It makes me feel guilty.

Said Mother, calling my attention again, says; — do not behave like that when they come!

I know, the first thing I had to ask is, who is coming? But it is me whom we are talking about. Instead, out of my mouth comes: — how am I behaving?

She practically yells at me; — Babbling intangible things!

God, I was muttering without realizing it. What did I say? It had been a while since this happened, or someone pointed it out to me.

My mother continues with her tyranny: — with the strange and distant attitude that characterizes you! I beg you that when Hera and Eulogio come...

She is saying when without a filter I shout: — Eulogio? — Trying to contain my laughter.

She gets mad at me and says; — Eliz, for the love of God, I do not want to spend until the weekend waiting for what might come out of your mouth and ruin this. We are going to have dinner to meet him!