Dear Diary

CHAPTER 1

Dear Diary, I decided to finally create my first book today, but I also doubt if I could actually finish this. I would love to introduce my real self, but this would mean that I will be revealing my dark side, my truth. So, let me just call myself Bella. It means beautiful in Italian, but I never see myself as that. I don't know when will I publish this book, but I guess we will find out right?

I actually don't know where to begin, should I start with my childhood? Or should I just start from the memories that I can vividly remember? If you guys finally read this book, this means I gathered all my strength and courage to let people know what I have been through.

Since this is my first entry, I would like to say Hi to all of you reading this, today is March 24, 2023. I've been wanting to write lately but I actually don't know what I should write. I have been wanting to tell my story for a very long time, since people take me easily and for granted. I am working as Publisher and looking forward to being a writer.

I actually like a lot of things, I wanted to be an engineer but hated math, I wanted to be an architect or be in fine arts since I love to draw and express my feelings through art. I also wanted to be a lawyer for some odd reasons that I find our laws interesting, but I hated thick books, memorizing things and such. I wanted to be everything, I wanted to find the right path and turn my life around.

But I do believe things happen for a reason, so there might be an actual reason why I ended up taking Hotel and Restaurant Management. I do love to cook, especially baking. I love the smell of pastries, cakes and especially the food.

I've been through a lot that I came to the point that I just wished and imagine myself disappear. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for like years now, I thought I was ok and finally conquered the pain. But the truth is, I was just hiding from that pain. I am not sure if I am indeed mentally stable while writing this book, but I have a lot going on in my mind right now.

I have a partner; I actually don't know if I can call it my fiancé. He didn't propose, but both of our parents have already agreed to get us married. I won't call it an arrange marriage either since we have been together for 3-4 years now.

I have always wondered if I have forced him to get back together or never let him choose what he thinks is better for him. We used to be together back in college, I was in my 2nd year, and he was already working back then. Since we are both taking the same course, it wouldn't be impossible for us not to meet.

We started out as strangers like everyone else did. He was actually my ex-best friend's crush. And to be honest, he didn't catch my attention back then. My ex-best friend wasn't head over heals on him instead she was more interested on the head waiter who happens to be our friend. I forgot to mention that the university owned a Hotel and Restaurant, its just located at the back of the university and we also do our laboratory works and cooking at that establishment.

So, since our classes mostly involved with management, cooking, and baking stuff we have a lot of days to see this people. A lot of interaction and just trying to be friendly. I never knew during that time that she had a girlfriend. I know, I was stupid, young and naïve. So easily be swooped down and dream of a happy fairytale. I know you would say that he's definitely a "red flag" and I shouldn't have decided to get back with him.

But back then, I was just happy and un-aware of the things that are happening in my environment. So, how did I know that he has a girlfriend back then? Well, one of my classmates just openly asked me in front of the class if I was with "Mike" let's just call him that. I didn't answer but instead smiled, but that smile fade when he also openly says in the class that "Mike" has a girlfriend and in fact they were together for 4 years during that time.