Dear Diary

CHAPTER 2

Dear Diary, it has been 4 days since my last entry, my mind has been pre-occupied from the things that has been going on with my life recently and I need to pull my self together to be able to face my reality.

My life is sure a mess and things have been going crazy lately, and there are what ifs that came to my mind. I have been watching a series from k-drama title "Reborn Rich" I recommend you watch this series; this inspired me to write and share my story in today's entry.

I came from a family with good family background, my dad has been helping other people and building our family history since he was young. We're not rich, we're just well-off, since both of my parents work in a government industry. My dad has been working with the most prestigious bank in our country and my mom work as a teacher. I have 3 brothers and I'm the youngest and the only girl in the family. I was spoiled with everything that I want and even the things that I didn't want. I thought life for me back then was amazing, I get what I want whenever I want.

But then reality kick in, I was adopted in a very young age by my mom and dad from her sister who happens to be my biological mom, I actually didn't know what happen to her, but I have been hearing two sides of reason to her death, first was she died giving birth to me and second was she died because of my drunkard womanizer father.

Whatever the two reasons are, I grew up hating the reality that I didn't belong to the family I knew, I grew up hating myself for existing and I grew up hating the father that I never knew. That hatred has been molding me and grew with me until this very day. People using this reason to pity and bully me made me more furious to my reality. I have been imagining ripping them apart with my two bare hands or making a revenge towards this people. But I didn't, instead my anger drew me into depression and anxiety and panic attacks that I have been keeping from my adopted family thinking that I could help and cure myself.

My adopted family never let me feel that I didn't belong to them so I kept this secret from other people, hoping this will help me become better. When I was in my elementary days, I used to be bullied and my family will immediately protect me and transfer me from another school. They transferred me into this school whom I thought that I will finally belong to. It's a private Christian school, an academy for fast and slow learners, for those who want to mold their passion and hobbies, and at the same time surrounded with God's word. I finally thought this is where I finally belong, but I guess I judged myself that quickly.

It was summer, and since I dropped out of school because of kids bullying me, I need to keep up with my subjects and accelerate. I met this girl whom I quickly assumed was my friend, she has been feeding me with thoughts about this boy whom she said liked me, she has been pretending to be the boy who sends notes to me, saying that he likes me and all. I actually couldn't believe that since his family owned the academy. She continues to feed my thought to the point that I finally caved in into her manipulating tactics. I finally fell for that boy, and she knew that, I didn't realize that she will be using that against me, to bully and control me.

I didn't dare to confess during this early age, since I saw it as temporary love crush, later on we found out that he will be leaving for Cambodia and that actually hurt me. I was hoping to see him soon or if not, I wish him to be well and ok. Back then I was naïve and innocent that I didn't realize that I have been manipulated to like a person who doesn't even know me, that I have been manipulated to think that those notes really came from him.

Fast forward to the year when I was in my 5th or 6th grade, I can't say if this event happened before or after he returned from Cambodia. But I can still remember this group of girls who sends me a threatening note, I was confused and ignored that note, but later on this group of girls approached me and threatened me to keep my distance from their friends' boyfriend. I was confused because one, I didn't know them, well I knew one girl from that group, and that was that manipulating witch back then. Second, I don't know who they are talking about, and whom should I stay away from. After that encounter, I finally knew who they we're talking about, and that was my mom's co-teacher and friend's son, when I found out about this, I confronted the guy and asked him if he was with this certain mean girl. He confirmed that he was, and I told him what here mean girlfriend has been doing to me. Sending threatening notes, spreading rumors and more. I was being honest since our mom's are friends and I think he has the right to know what her girl was doing. I didn't know what happen after that, but we continued be good friends back then and this group of girls still keeps on bothering and threatening me.

I tried so hard to fit in, to finally have friends, to have someone on my back whenever someone or something happens. But students in this academy was different, I remember bragging about the things that I have and don't have just to amused them, I remember that one time that they told me that I have to change the way I walk and the way I speak if I wanted them to be my friends. When I remember this event, I couldn't imagine that at the very young age, they are displaying negative behaviors and it amuses me that up until this very day, they continue to live their lives as if they haven't ruined someone else's life.

The memories I have with that school was painful especially when I got involved in their crazy scandal, it was still during summer, I think that when I was in my 4th or 5th grade, remember the manipulating witch who made me believe? Yup she is again involved and is actually the mastermind. They planned and stole the answer test keys, they made multiple copies and made the professor in charge that they can actually trust them. I was there, I watched them lie, stole, made copies and act like nothing happened.

The crazy thing about that is they made copies of the test answers from 4th grade until 4th year, and that eventually gave them the upper hand to accelerate and do things their own way. You might be asking why I kept quiet, it because I was alone on that fight, I have no one by my side to tell me to fight for the truth, I didn't have someone to protect me, students have been bullying me to the point that they pinned the scandal on me, saying I was involved and I was the one who cheated, rumors spread like wildfire in the academy, and no one was there to rescue me. They framed me and made me look like I was the culprit, thank God the professors believed me, but it was nothing compared to the emotional and mental pain I got from the students in the academy. I did everything to tell the adults the truth, but I guess the rumors are just so realistic that it made me dropped out of school.

Until this very day, they still believed that I was the one who cheated, it still hurts me that no one believe my story, my truth. I swear that I'd get my vengeance soon to this people, but how? When I personally know that I am drowning from depression because of my pain from the past.

Fast forward to this very year, I am encountering the same pain that I have experienced in my past. I have been framed of manipulating my works system and that I have embezzled money from that company. It hurts me that again I have no one on my side.

And I would like to take this opportunity by telling my truth. I didn't embezzled money nor stole from the company. Yes, I may be the one facing and in charge of the system, but I didn't have the guts to do that. My mistake here was trusting them, trusting my co-workers that I can leave the cash drawer keys to them whenever I'm not around. Letting my guard down knowing that one of my co-worker's sons is an IT expert and I knew that the system could be breached. Being tired of telling the truth and yet no one believes you because they are all manipulated by a certain person.

I wouldn't expect that someone will also believe me in this entry, but I did my own investigation to my problem, and I just later found out that the system was indeed breached, not by the son's co-worker but someone else, he was paid to the job, and he has to do it well, to the point that the evidence won't be pointing to the real culprit but instead to the target. And I was the target, I don't know what's the real reason behind this, but I tried reaching out and telling the truth to the owner but again she didn't believe me, I forced myself to move on with the pain of the truth that whatever I do, no one would dare to believe my truth.

Maybe this is just what my life is, people find it hard to believe my truth and I just accept the fact that I will have no one by my side to fight this kind of people. Life is indeed unfair, people who are genuine and real are the ones who got hurt the most in the battle and those people who are evil are the one's who get the most success.

I wish I could turn back time or be reborn again so that I could prevent this painful past, so that I could save myself from drowning of pain and anger, I just wished people would realize the truth that I was trying to tell. I wish I could have someone stand beside me and help me turn things around my life right now. I guess this will remain my what ifs in life.

People still haven't realized what they have done and turned me into, yet they are living their best lives like they haven't done anything wrong. I wish to punish this people, but I guess I will just have to wait for karma to hunt them down.

It is never good to bully, manipulate and frame someone for the sake of your personal gains. I hope that one day one of the people who did me wrong would do this and realize what you have done. I will never forget nor forgive unless you admit what you have done. It doesn't matter what the future can make out of that, but at least confess then maybe, just maybe I won't hunt you down.