𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 | 𝐣𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭.

44.

excuse any mistakes...

SEMAIJAH

"Said I thank you and I love you and I would never ever place no one above you." I sung to Namiko raising her up in the air and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and a smile spread across her face "You're such a happy baby."

Namiko giggled as she reached out her tiny hands, trying to grab onto my face. A soft coo escaped her tiny lips, as if she was attempting to imitate my words. "You bring so much joy into my life, Nami. Mommy loves you sooooo much."

Namiko is now two months old, and ever since she was born, I've rarely left the house except for necessary outings. Today, Ja suggested that I go and hang out with Ameili, just so I could have a break and enjoy myself. Even though I enjoy myself everday when I'm around him and Namiko I knew he was right.

"Are you going to miss mommy?" I asked Namiko and she cooed "I know you will. It'll be quick though." I gently stroked her cheek.

I really be over here holding conversations with her knowing damn well she doesn't understand not one word I'm saying. I don't care though, Me talking to her helps me feel connected to her.

I heard the front door close and I looked at Namiko shocked and she started giggling "Your daddy is here. Let's go say hi." I said, lifting Namiko up from her bassinet and cradling her in my arms.

I walked out of her nursery and started walking downstairs and Ja looked up from his phone and started smiling "My two favorite girls."

"Hiii. We missed you." I gave him a kiss.

"I missed you too." He whispered against my lips and Namiko let out a happy squeal, drawing our attention back to her "I missed you too Nami."

He took Namiko from my arms, cradling her against his chest. She reached out her tiny hands, grabbing onto his shirt as if she was hugging him. Ja looked down smiling at Namiko before looking at me, "What time you going out with Ameili?"

"I have to fix up my hair a little bit then I'm going to leave. Did you get me my fish fillet?"

"Yeah it's in the kitchen."

"Thank you." I walked over to him and kissed both his and Namiko's cheeks before going in the kitchen opening the McDonald's bag and grabbing my fish fillet out of the bag and started eating it. After finishing my fish fillet I drunk my coke and threw the McDonald's bag and the bottle in the trash before going back upstairs.

I changed into my outfit before sitting in front of my vanity taking my bonnet off. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and a wave of self-doubt washed over me. The overwhelming and exhaustion was evident in my eyes.

The tears I had been holding back began to stream down my face. The weight of my emotions finally overwhelmed me, and I couldn't hold it in any longer. Low sobs escaped my lips, and I let myself cry, releasing all the pent-up frustration, exhaustion, and doubt that had been consuming me.

Am I doing enough for Namiko? What if I'm not meeting her needs? Am I a good enough mother? I love her with all my heart, but I can't help but wonder if I'm falling short in some way.

I feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed. Shouldn't I be cherishing every moment?

Taking a deep breath, I wiped my tears before calming myself down and continuing my preparations. Once I was done putting on my makeup and fixing my hair I grabbed my bag before exiting out of the room.