"I LOVE THIS SONG!" Blitzo exclaims."SAME. PUT THAT SHIT UP, BOSS." I furiously pat his shoulder.
I'm sitting next to Blitzo in the passenger seat of the van while everyone else sits in the back. Call me the luckiest bitch cause the music sounds better at the front. I start screaming the lyrics to the song while Blitzo messes up the words.
As he turns into the parking lot, a pink car gets in the way.
Blitzo turns the steering wheel, making us go in fast circles. "OH MY— HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"
The car parks in OUR parking space. The fuck they think they doing? I roll down the window. "THAT'S OUR SPACE. MOVE THAT BIG PINK VIBRATING DILDO LOOKING CAR SOMEWHERE ELSE."
Blitzo takes out his megaphone and sticks his head out the window while screaming.
A lady gets out of the pink car and crosses her arms. Blitzo then looks surprised.
"Oh shit! Verosika."
"BlitzO."
"I should have known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles, which is odd, because I believe the nearest ocean is—" Blitzo falls out the window and quickly stands back up. "THREE RINGS DOWN!"
I groan as I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car.
"And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the amber alerts," She tells him.
"I'm surprised they let your fat ass out of rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that juice bottle like it's the last COCK in hell."
I walk up to Blitzo and put my hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should calm down a little."
He looks at me then immediately turns his head the other way. "Yeah. I-I'll try."
Verosika sees me and then smirks. "Well, what's a hot girl like you hanging around with this dick?"
"That's not what we're talking about!" Blitzo yells. "Why are you parking here?! This is the only parking spot my company has. So take your tampon race car somewhere else!"
"Actually, prick, it has my name on it," She points down to her name written in pink graffiti. "I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more companies in the building, and they wanted to have me come in this week to lead their team during spring break."
I get mad at this. "A WHOLE DAMN WEEK?!"
"That's right, sweetheart. You'll be seeing me a little more often."
I admit, she's fucking smoking, a spicy tamale, hotter than a hot Cheeto, sexy mamacita, but she's acting like a snobby bitch right now.
"No, no. You are NOT parking here for a fucking week!" Blitzo snarls.
Verosika puts up her sunglasses. "Oh, you made, BlitzO? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room? Steal their car and—"
"Max my credit card on shitty horse riding lesson? GOD DAMMIT, WHORE, YOU WILL NOT LET THAT GO!"
She flips him off as she walks away. "Choke on a sandpaper cock."
Blitzo trails behind her. "Hold on! You better move that pussy wagon right now or I'm gonna—!"
A big hound looms over Blitzo. "You'll what?"
I step in between them. "WE'LL CALL HR!"
We laugh our asses off before clearing our throats.
"Anyway, meet my new hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." Verosika walks beside her bodyguard. "Tata, fuckstain."
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SHE-DEVⵊL || ʜᴇʟʟᴜᴠᴀ ʙᴏss
Humor"𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆. 𝑶𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌." 𝐕𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬! 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐯𝐚 𝐁𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫